Save me a seat.
Simple request at face value, but from the perspective of where I'm actually sitting it's anything but simple. And the road to get here, to this seat, in this stretch of the road isn't really all that simple either.
I sit here trying to concentrate on what is being discussed and all my head can think about are the odds of me sitting next to my son-in-law in a Bible class. Odds? Well, nothing I could have ever imagined a month ago let alone years. God is just something else. I'm still not sure if I have the goods to make it through an 18 month program without my colleagues discovering I know a lot less than maybe they assume, or if all this homework will get the best of me. And as much as I fear both those things, I also kind of hope for both. That I can just come clean and say, I don't know much. And every time I think I do, I figure out I know even less than I thought I did. And I hope all this homework (Bible study on steroids...) gets the best of me, it needs to. I think I'm pretty great at regurgitating the poetic thoughts of other thinkers and rule at quoting one author after another, I'm just afraid of admitting that without that fount of babble I got nothing. And they will know.
But I saved his seat. And I prayed over him, asking God to impart Himself to him and grow him, even more than I want that for myself. And I thanked Him for letting me enjoy this chance to come clean, to begin where the real me meets the real Him and to let Him teach me. I hear Dr. Lowery's words about humility ringing in my ears and that's what I want. I want to begin in humility, knowing God will teach me with new eyes, new ears and new hope. I want to know Him like never before. And getting to do this with my son-in-law sitting next to me overflows my heart and blows. my. mind.
Good is God.
Simple request at face value, but from the perspective of where I'm actually sitting it's anything but simple. And the road to get here, to this seat, in this stretch of the road isn't really all that simple either.
I sit here trying to concentrate on what is being discussed and all my head can think about are the odds of me sitting next to my son-in-law in a Bible class. Odds? Well, nothing I could have ever imagined a month ago let alone years. God is just something else. I'm still not sure if I have the goods to make it through an 18 month program without my colleagues discovering I know a lot less than maybe they assume, or if all this homework will get the best of me. And as much as I fear both those things, I also kind of hope for both. That I can just come clean and say, I don't know much. And every time I think I do, I figure out I know even less than I thought I did. And I hope all this homework (Bible study on steroids...) gets the best of me, it needs to. I think I'm pretty great at regurgitating the poetic thoughts of other thinkers and rule at quoting one author after another, I'm just afraid of admitting that without that fount of babble I got nothing. And they will know.
But I saved his seat. And I prayed over him, asking God to impart Himself to him and grow him, even more than I want that for myself. And I thanked Him for letting me enjoy this chance to come clean, to begin where the real me meets the real Him and to let Him teach me. I hear Dr. Lowery's words about humility ringing in my ears and that's what I want. I want to begin in humility, knowing God will teach me with new eyes, new ears and new hope. I want to know Him like never before. And getting to do this with my son-in-law sitting next to me overflows my heart and blows. my. mind.
Good is God.
posted by ret at 12:49 PM
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