Bag Balm

Bag Balm: Dairy Assoc. ProductsDescription: For chapped conditions and superficial abrasions.Ingredients: 8-Hydroxy Quinoline Sulfate 0.3% in a Petrolatum Lanolin Base. This product contains no alcohol.Directions: Apply Bag Balm freely and massage gently with ointment twice daily. Massage thoroughly and allow ointment to remain on for full softening effect. In case of deep or puncture wounds, seek medical help. Pets: Apply Bag Balm liberally to the affected area. Cows: After each milking, apply thoroughly and allow coating to remain on surface. Thoroughly wash treated teats and udder with separate towels before each milking. To avoid contamination after each milking, bathe the udder with plenty of hot water, strip milk out, and dry skin.

My good friend Pam has two products she consistently recommends: Oxy Clean and Bag Balm. If it were up to her to rule the world these items would not only clean up the globe as we know it, but leave it "udderly" healed as well. I can't begin to count the times I have heard her say, "Did you use Oxy Clean?" or "I'm telling you, Bag Balm really works."

Well, I actually purchased a tin of Bag Balm at Wal-Mart over a year ago but seldom remember to use it, or perhaps stubbornly refuse to use it. You can find it in the first aid section and she simply swears by it. Ok.

Day One: I had this vein thing lasered off my lower lip on Thursday. It hurt like Hades- not at all like I remembered the same procedure a few years ago- but all in all it covered with lip gloss and I was on my way. Then came Friday.

Day Two: I woke up with this awful black scab on my lip that would not stop bleeding and it was puffy, painful and would not begin to cover with lip-gloss. Or makeup. I had used this antibiotic cream they gave me and it was not doing the trick. I stopped by the clinic and they told me to apply pressure (okay it hurts without the pressure...) and ice packs. So I go home and use an ice pack for the rest of the day. More oozing, more swelling, more gross black scab. Enough that this vain self decided to hide at home instead of going to the Good Friday service I was planning to attend. More cream and 8 hours of sleep.

Day Three: Ugh! Crusty blood on the lips and I'm not going anywhere. After all it was this same vanity that took me to the cosmetologist to begin with knowing insurance would code this as cosmetic or elective and I'd have to pay for it. We're talking black scab. Lovely. More ice, more cream, more hiding. But it's the day before Easter and I have to run some last minute errands so I venture into the world of fellow Easter Bunny ritualists trying my best to keep my head down and not speak to anyone. Until my friend Pam calls to catch up and I tell her of my laser experience. And you guessed it, she says, "You got any Bag Balm?" I almost laughed because I knew she would ask. I had actually gone through the process of thinking it myself before I went with the antibiotic cream. So I went home and began applying the balm.

It's just way difficult for me to use the stuff. It's actually got directions for applying it to irritated cow teats! They can put it in a nice tin and market it for people but it's for cows. It’s hard for me to even say let alone use. Especially on my mouth. But I did. And Sunday morning folks, day four, it was better. Not gone, but lots, lots better and this morning? Well day five the thing is much smaller and almost covers with gloss.

Now maybe it would have healed anyway and I guess I'll never know. But I think it was the bag balm, I really do. And I will never doubt Pam again on matters of this much importance. Teats or no teats, it has my vote from this day forward. Wonder if it reduces gravity…