I didn't wait. I popped out of the womb praising Jesus. My grandmother saw angels above my head when I was baptized. I religiously ended my bedtime prayers with the Dresden Amen. Didn't drink. Didn't smoke. Didn't swear. Didn't disrespect my parents and I didn't wait.
Our wedding was planned in three weeks. Shawna was in my arms 7 1/2 months later. I shopped for maternity clothes in Hannibal to avoid questions. I cried for months about disappointing my mother. I didn't wait. I was afraid I would lose the only man I wanted to spend my life with and didn't trust God to work out the details without my selfish interventions. 21 years later this same man, the one and only man I have given myself to, buried his head on my shoulder and wept. I wept. The sea of young people immediately responding to Jerry's challenge to sexual purity was more beautiful than I can explain. I knew he was going to use the roses from the wedding as an illustration during the sermon yesterday, but I hadn't a clue he was going to use them the way he did.
Jerry didn't know my story. He didn't know how I promised my mom I would do everything I could to be sure Shawna wouldn't echo my choices. He didn't know how many years I have carried this quietly. Nothing shouting so loudly in my ear His grace couldn't cover, just a silent fear that my impatience and weakness would give her the permission she would need to do the same. That's why I didn't question their desire to be married at 21 & 22 years of age. It seemed so young to Kevin and me, but they have dated four years. Four years. And they have waited. Shawna asked for a purity ring years ago and we gave her one for her 15th birthday. I remember the tears in her eyes when I told her it was a serious commitment and that it was one that might not be so easily kept in the years to come. Her tears weren't of the emotion of the moment, but of frustration with me for even entertaining the thought that she was incapable of making the promise. Six years later I watched many of her cousins, as well as John's, carry white roses down an aisle to place them on a table where they would kneel moments later celebrating not only their unity as a couple, not only their unity in Christ, but their unity in this gift they were able to bring to each other. In that moment, in that offering, I let out the remnant of guilt and fear I have been carrying for half of my life. I am redeemed by the blood of the Lamb and I know this. But the redemption I've been waiting for, the offering I was waiting to give my mother and God, was completed in this moment. Silly, maybe. But it has been a long time coming, this peace. This forgiveness. This joy.
I went a bit over the top on this wedding. It was more lovely than I ever imagined it to be. It surpassed every anticipation, every vision- and more than that, God hovered over and among us in touchable ways. It was heaven kissing earth. It was heaven rejoicing over the lives and testimony of these two wonderfully created children. I was full with joy. I wanted to applaud, to dance, to cheer. It called for a little dance in our underwear. And I had no idea at all that God was working in Jerry's heart to heal me. I had no idea He would prompt him to carry those two vases full of roses down the stairs and offer them to anyone who was willing to make that same pledge of purity before God and the congregation. I had no idea he would use John and Shawna's example to impact at least three dozen other people. The vases were emptied in a matter of minutes. Young men and women carried roses back to their seats. There were more people than roses and they began sharing petals with those who continued to come. It was a sacred moment. A moment calling for some stones to be gathered in remembrance. I had no idea God would do this. I had no idea He would make it all so beautiful. And I should have known. I should have known.
Shawna and John will be landing in Cancun within the hour with their private transit waiting to take them to the Riviera Maya. By now, they will have opened the brochure I wrapped up for them with my explanation of the surprise that awaits them written on each unfolding page. They are headed for a magical honeymoon. One a little more extravagant than the one they had anticipated. They deserve it. They really, really deserve it. Maybe I'm living vicariously through them. Maybe I'm just eternally grateful they did what I said and not what I did. Maybe I'm just a sucker for romantic surprises and am head over heels in love with them both. But it is a glorious day. And this mother of the bride had a whale of a weekend, with most of it stacked high all over the house. This page is turning and it was a great read all said and done. I am once again amazed at His goodness. At how much He loves me. Water into wine was a whopper but He royally outdid Himself this time...
Our wedding was planned in three weeks. Shawna was in my arms 7 1/2 months later. I shopped for maternity clothes in Hannibal to avoid questions. I cried for months about disappointing my mother. I didn't wait. I was afraid I would lose the only man I wanted to spend my life with and didn't trust God to work out the details without my selfish interventions. 21 years later this same man, the one and only man I have given myself to, buried his head on my shoulder and wept. I wept. The sea of young people immediately responding to Jerry's challenge to sexual purity was more beautiful than I can explain. I knew he was going to use the roses from the wedding as an illustration during the sermon yesterday, but I hadn't a clue he was going to use them the way he did.
Jerry didn't know my story. He didn't know how I promised my mom I would do everything I could to be sure Shawna wouldn't echo my choices. He didn't know how many years I have carried this quietly. Nothing shouting so loudly in my ear His grace couldn't cover, just a silent fear that my impatience and weakness would give her the permission she would need to do the same. That's why I didn't question their desire to be married at 21 & 22 years of age. It seemed so young to Kevin and me, but they have dated four years. Four years. And they have waited. Shawna asked for a purity ring years ago and we gave her one for her 15th birthday. I remember the tears in her eyes when I told her it was a serious commitment and that it was one that might not be so easily kept in the years to come. Her tears weren't of the emotion of the moment, but of frustration with me for even entertaining the thought that she was incapable of making the promise. Six years later I watched many of her cousins, as well as John's, carry white roses down an aisle to place them on a table where they would kneel moments later celebrating not only their unity as a couple, not only their unity in Christ, but their unity in this gift they were able to bring to each other. In that moment, in that offering, I let out the remnant of guilt and fear I have been carrying for half of my life. I am redeemed by the blood of the Lamb and I know this. But the redemption I've been waiting for, the offering I was waiting to give my mother and God, was completed in this moment. Silly, maybe. But it has been a long time coming, this peace. This forgiveness. This joy.
I went a bit over the top on this wedding. It was more lovely than I ever imagined it to be. It surpassed every anticipation, every vision- and more than that, God hovered over and among us in touchable ways. It was heaven kissing earth. It was heaven rejoicing over the lives and testimony of these two wonderfully created children. I was full with joy. I wanted to applaud, to dance, to cheer. It called for a little dance in our underwear. And I had no idea at all that God was working in Jerry's heart to heal me. I had no idea He would prompt him to carry those two vases full of roses down the stairs and offer them to anyone who was willing to make that same pledge of purity before God and the congregation. I had no idea he would use John and Shawna's example to impact at least three dozen other people. The vases were emptied in a matter of minutes. Young men and women carried roses back to their seats. There were more people than roses and they began sharing petals with those who continued to come. It was a sacred moment. A moment calling for some stones to be gathered in remembrance. I had no idea God would do this. I had no idea He would make it all so beautiful. And I should have known. I should have known.
Shawna and John will be landing in Cancun within the hour with their private transit waiting to take them to the Riviera Maya. By now, they will have opened the brochure I wrapped up for them with my explanation of the surprise that awaits them written on each unfolding page. They are headed for a magical honeymoon. One a little more extravagant than the one they had anticipated. They deserve it. They really, really deserve it. Maybe I'm living vicariously through them. Maybe I'm just eternally grateful they did what I said and not what I did. Maybe I'm just a sucker for romantic surprises and am head over heels in love with them both. But it is a glorious day. And this mother of the bride had a whale of a weekend, with most of it stacked high all over the house. This page is turning and it was a great read all said and done. I am once again amazed at His goodness. At how much He loves me. Water into wine was a whopper but He royally outdid Himself this time...
posted by ret at 8:46 AM
2 Comments:
Amen!! God is good! This weekend was indescribable Loretta and it had God's handprint all over it. What a blessing it was to watch these two commit their lives to one another. What a blessing it was to read your words and hear about how God is using their example - WOW! Thank you for all you and Kevin have done for them...and for loving my baby brother so much. You all are amazing and I love ya!
Beautiful. Just beautiful. I love being a part of all of this. He just keeps proving Himself everyday. I love what He's doing, done and plans to do (which will, of course, out-do all of this). I love you all and the transparency with which you live your lives and love the Lord. Beautiful. Just beautiful.
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