hold the padded cell...

I remarked at dinner the other night (which as a side note was nice: seems like forever since John and Shawna came over for supper...) that I had been trying to process some of my intense feelings for this puppy of mine. In honesty, probably trying to justify what might be perceived as fruitcake behavior; I am not loosing my mind. I am not loosing my mind. Still, the SIL teased that Shawna was feeling a bit discarded. Not unlike an only child negotiating laptime with a newborn sibling. I have been opting out of lunch frequently due to having Mylie with me at work, or wanting to give my WW routine a fighting chance. Either way, my attention (presence, conversations, affections...) have been missed. Aside from that observation I had been making some of my own which led to what I remarked at dinner the other night. And my conclusion of sorts:

I have absorbed an ample amount of loss over the last ten years or so. Two parents; Two parents-in-law and a cat. Then if not by literal death, certainly something processed with similar gravity; the loss of several close friends through unexpected moves as well as an entire faith community full of people I rarely see. I have lost footing, I have lost dreams. I have lost security and innocence. I have lost confidence and hope. There were of course pockets of recovery and rebound but not without cost. I have certainly tallied more than my share of blessing in that same stretch of road, and as an optimist and more importantly a believer, that's certainly where I have hung out, but man, it's been tough sometimes. Add to those the normal emotions of walking through the whole empty nest process (graduations, engagements, weddings, yada yada yada...) I have been a mess every other whenever. And then that puppy had to die. I stand and declare "I'm due!!!!" And Mylie simply hit the jackpot. It might have easily been a grandbaby I suppose, but this puppy claimed her "dot" on the timeline of my heart. 

I. Adore. Her. 

She has lightened my heart to a place it used to be, once upon a time, and I didn't even realize it had changed. She's apparently unlocked some hidden tower chamber in a castled heart I was unaware existed. And I'm ga-ga over the little furball. I can breathe more deeply, laugh harder and channel my maternal dotings without restraint. I even gander she's been cheaper than therapy. Shawna teased that we waited until she left to finally get the puppy she had always wanted to have, but being wired the way I am, I believe she's the exact dog I needed at just the right time...

Now I need to get ready and meet my number one baby to run some errands. But I'm bringing baby number two :)