???
Some of the most intense outbursts of anger exchanged between Kevin and I happen to occur when we are....lost. Miss an exit when we don’t know where we’re going and wham. We’re yelling back and forth like a couple of morons. What is it about losing our sense of direction that tosses our insides around like a ball in a bingo cage? I remember when Shawna was little and would watch the same video over and over again, happy as a clam.[btw...are clams all that happy? and we know this how?] Anyway, pop in a movie she had never seen before and she wanted to watch it on my lap, always a bit nervous without the assurance of an ending she knew was coming. A to B. Simple. A to ? and we wanna puke. Especially when the time spent in ??? doesn’t seem to have an end in sight.
I’ve spent some time in the land of ??? and I have some good friends passing through as I write. It’s a place that might sound exciting to someone who could use a little jostle in their humdrum, but to those who don’t know if they’re ever going to meet that special somebody, if their children are going to land on their feet, if they should pursue a brand new profession or what exactly God wants them to do with their lives...well, it can be a lonely and frightening place to be. Especially when it turns into an extended stay.
I don’t know why we lose our way at times or why some stretches seem like one endless wilderness after another but I know I've never wandered lost for 40 years or waited 400 more to hear Him speak to me. I got annoyed just trying to find south 31st street today and I had a cell phone and a sister with her fingers on the city map. I'd bail if I actually had to wander for any real length of time. But the times I panic, the times I'm really scared, are the times I call out and confront my need for Him. They are the times He takes my chin and makes me look beyond the uncertainty of the ground underneath me and points to a place only He can see. A place no other eye can see.
I hate being lost. Brings out the ugly in me. But I love knowing I can crawl up in His mighty lap and watch it play out. I love knowing He’s there and that He has it figured out. I’m sorry the people I love have to get scared sometimes and it's about as frustrating as it can be not to have more to offer for their wrestlings than weary replies they already know.
It sucks to be lost but He’ll find you. I know He’ll find you...
I lift up my eyes to the hills—where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip— he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The LORD watches over you— the LORD is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. The LORD will keep you from all harm— he will watch over your life; the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.
I’ve spent some time in the land of ??? and I have some good friends passing through as I write. It’s a place that might sound exciting to someone who could use a little jostle in their humdrum, but to those who don’t know if they’re ever going to meet that special somebody, if their children are going to land on their feet, if they should pursue a brand new profession or what exactly God wants them to do with their lives...well, it can be a lonely and frightening place to be. Especially when it turns into an extended stay.
I don’t know why we lose our way at times or why some stretches seem like one endless wilderness after another but I know I've never wandered lost for 40 years or waited 400 more to hear Him speak to me. I got annoyed just trying to find south 31st street today and I had a cell phone and a sister with her fingers on the city map. I'd bail if I actually had to wander for any real length of time. But the times I panic, the times I'm really scared, are the times I call out and confront my need for Him. They are the times He takes my chin and makes me look beyond the uncertainty of the ground underneath me and points to a place only He can see. A place no other eye can see.
I hate being lost. Brings out the ugly in me. But I love knowing I can crawl up in His mighty lap and watch it play out. I love knowing He’s there and that He has it figured out. I’m sorry the people I love have to get scared sometimes and it's about as frustrating as it can be not to have more to offer for their wrestlings than weary replies they already know.
It sucks to be lost but He’ll find you. I know He’ll find you...
I lift up my eyes to the hills—where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip— he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The LORD watches over you— the LORD is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. The LORD will keep you from all harm— he will watch over your life; the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.
~Psalm 121~
posted by ret at 10:22 PM
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