motb...day 95

A week ago I woke up in a cold sweat. Much like the ones I used to have preceding cantata/SHINE seasons year after year after year. A place where my subconscious fears begin to scream for attention and the familiar gnawing begins. What was I thinking? No one leaves the country for the very first time in their life less than two months before their only daughter gets married. I'm an idiot. One year ago today I didn't know how I would fill my days and now I'm wondering why they end so quickly and head into the next one. Well. This isn't helping. I need to sleep. I just thought if I vented a bit it would clear my head of all the internet shopping I've done in the last 12 hours straight without as much to show for it as I had hoped.

The more I check off the list the more it grows. I can't focus long enough to complete an entire task. Seriously.

Well. It will all be fine. Always is. But the days in between now and fineville are rapidly disappearing and that helpful planning calendar has failed me. Or I've failed it. Guess I'll hit it hard again tomorrow. Correction: it is tomorrow. Ugh.