longings...

But for the grace of God, I am nobody special. But for His love and mercy, I am just a hometown girl who has been abundantly blessed with precious family, true friends, and a priceless faith that was seamlessly passed on to me in such a way that I've always felt I guess, called. Called to do what, not always sure, but there has always been an awareness in me that I belonged to Him. That I was spoken for. We are all created with a longing for Him and I smile at the people in my life who have chosen to fill that longing with Him and who daily purpose to remove the parts of life that stubbornly occupy those remaining crevices. I am blessed by their faithful progress.

Part of my personal longing has always been to be surrounded by a community of sojourners who crave worship. Who thirst for times in His presence. Who hunger for ways to experience Him more fully, more powerfully. Who listen to His prompt to touch their knees and abandon their microphone in the middle of a song because His presence required it of them. Who aren't afraid to pray for His spirit to fall down and lead us into places we've never been before. Who won't rest until His Bride becomes a people of demonstrative worship.

I have found such a community. I have I believe, been called there. I have been cautious. I have lightly treaded. I have doubted, I suppose. It's time I let Him fill the vacancies and answer the call without fears of being hurt again, of being burned again. I heard Him ask me to trust Him yesterday. I heard Him ask me to taste and see. He is opening the storehouse and I don't want to be standing there with a stupid umbrella watching it fall on everybody else. Even as I write this I think, "but I've been here before...I've been wrong before...I've..." I keep thinking I should be out-of-my-skin excited about my new job, and have simply dismissed it by thinking it's just the adjustment of going back to work, of being a little insecure, of feeling guilty or something, but it's more than that.

Jerry said complacency can close us off from God's blessing, that it can catch up with us and harden our hearts, that it can enslave us until we don't know how to live in freedom anymore. I didn't think I was complacent but maybe I am. Maybe I've grown a little too comfortable camping out in this little corner of fear I've been protecting and it's time I turned things inside out and let Him open the windows and ventilate the place. To lose myself once again in the possibility that I am called and He isn't close to being finished with the renovation needed to completely answer. I want this. I have always wanted this.

This weekend was significant. I want to remember it and give Him glory. I believe I have found a home. I believe He is going to rock my world. I believe I'm ready to let Him...