on the road again...
I posted the previous entry right before I left to make my second trip to Sheridan of the day. [Emma was swimming her very first mile!] I had all that funk stuff running through my mind and honestly, if I'd had more time I would have taken 12th & not 24th, but I didn't want to miss her event. As I passed the intersection to begin this dreaded stretch, I actually said outloud: "This is just a street. What happened here hurt a great deal. But we are all okay. We are all, more than okay and the men who hurt us have to live with what they said and did the rest of their lives. We are stronger and we are wiser because of it all. And the person Kevin talked with is an ... well, let's just say it isn't the first time they've said something stupid. I have to let this go."
On my drive home, I was actually a little better. Heck, if Emma can swim a stinkin' mile, surely I can drive this one without losing it. Even if I had to drive past two of their houses on the way. Maybe I needed all those runs across town this weekend to deal with this and move on from this part of the road. Heaven knows if it were to hit me all at the same time I'd be in a padded cell. It was just so big and so deep. And this is my journal so it's where I throw the big and deep stuff. It still makes me want to vomit but it's just not doing me any good to be here. I just hate like mad it had to happen at all.
Done.
On my drive home, I was actually a little better. Heck, if Emma can swim a stinkin' mile, surely I can drive this one without losing it. Even if I had to drive past two of their houses on the way. Maybe I needed all those runs across town this weekend to deal with this and move on from this part of the road. Heaven knows if it were to hit me all at the same time I'd be in a padded cell. It was just so big and so deep. And this is my journal so it's where I throw the big and deep stuff. It still makes me want to vomit but it's just not doing me any good to be here. I just hate like mad it had to happen at all.
Done.
posted by ret at 6:43 PM
2 Comments:
road to God knows where....
I never cease to be amazed at the beauty and life God brings from the hatred and hurt that has been inflicted on us; His creation.
I can feel only a portion of the pain expressed through your words. I do know that when I look at creation and see what He was & is able to make of sin's mess it reminds me that He will take us past this dark corridor by shining a light to guide us...maybe even re-route us. Once that light pierces the corridor, it is reclaimed as His. It seems to me, a light is shining to Poplar Creek from 24th street. Feel free to reclaim it as His!
Neither of you will ever know the regret I have for allowing fear to sway my decision not to be there. My heart was there with you; as it still is my dear friends and siblings in the Lord.
Love you,
Pam
P-I know He's using it all and using us all even if He had a mess to work through first. And I know you wanted to be there. You're a great friend.
G-I had a friend share that same illustration with me, and a scab it is. I'm hoping the drive down a street I am never usually on, was a way of fishing out that wound from the shards of painful memories that were still laying there festering. Like I said, it comes in layers, and little by little, healing... grace...begins.
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