on order...

John and Shawna went for their first home-study interview in Springfield yesterday. In addition to the paperwork already submitted and a "down-payment" of sorts, they are joining the special rank of parents applying for and awaiting adoption. In my many imaginings of what her life would hold I never once allowed for this. Never once thought she'd be corraling muliple little ones, let alone ones from a world away. But that's just my narrow dreamscape in paling contrast to all the plans He has for her. Another lesson the child teaches the mother. She's been teaching me from day one and I suspect we're just getting started...

missing girl...

I look back at pictures of Shawna before she lost her sons and find a sad distinction between her then and now eyes. Deep, brown, lovely as ever, but now reflecting an unspoken reminder of the sadness she learned, the innocence forfeited for the chance to be a mother. There are glimpses of my little one now and again, and oh, I soak up each delightful wrinkle that frames them when she smiles- but they are different. They are so very different. Score one for a broken world, she isn't coming back. But the one who remains is all the more beautiful to me, all the more mine, and all the more remarkable. I pine for the sparkles but promise not to dwell. A mother's eyes, they see, they speak, they feel...