must be in the jeans...

My sister, mother of three, looks great. Always has. But she joined us recently on our journey through pointsville to shed some unwanted pounds she managed to find. So...she was shopping for jeans yesterday, and will kill me for posting this, but since it would never in my wildest dreams happen to me, I must share.

She was searching through jeans at Kohl's yesterday, conversing with another girl doing the same thing when the girl says: "I want those legs." Veronica politely pointed to the stack of jeans styled like the ones she was holding only to have the girl clarify by pointing to Veronica's legs and saying, "I mean those."

Something like that will never happen to me this side of eternity but I must agree, that sister of mine has some pretty sexy yams. Be sure and tell her next time you see her :) She really will kill me for posting this but can't do a darn thing about it. I wondered but didn't ask if this girl happens to play softball...hmmm....

what dreams may come...

I spent yesterday in a funk. Usually these can be traced to some significant comment or action that begins the funk but not this one. Usually when traced I can identify, release and move on but not this one. I was in bed at nine. Asleep by ten. Whatever my funk, it left me wanting to yell, ' shut the f--- up', and that isn't at all my profanity of choice. It just kept dancing on my tongue yesterday, daring me to spit it out. I confessed each time knowing well that even thinking it wasn't in my best interest but it tagged along in spite of my purer intentions.

I wasn't mad at anyone. I wasn't upset. I was just funked I guess or hiding as Brian might describe it. And asking a funked person what's wrong, though compassionate, is also frustrating to all involved when the explanation is no where to be found. So I just didn't say much, which in fairness to my family will attract their interest without delay, being the gab I am. I walked long, I sat, I showered long, I went to church, I went for pizza, I played with my hair and went to bed. End of Saturday.

I dreamed of dad all night. He was so real at one point I woke myself up saying his name. He was so real I spent the rest of the night rehearsing in dreams exactly how I saw him, where I saw him, searching for him and repeating it over and over again so I wouldn't forget when I opened my eyes. I remember some but it's never the same awake. I'm no shrink but I suppose my funk might be connected to my dreams, my subconscious feelings and fears perhaps suppressed by activity and faith in the light of day. I wasn't ready to lose him and the haunting replay of that night has been wisely edited from my heart for the most part, but I get flashes sometimes and it's just too much. Just. too. much.

This has changed me, I know that. As if the last year or so hadn't changed me enough already. I know all the good answers and I know this too shall pass, but who knows what dreams may come in the passing or who I'll be on the other side of it all.

They say muscle has memory. I sure hope so. I need mine to remember circa 1981 and on a good day, I can barely remember if I shaved both legs...

for these I am thankful...

ears: to hear my life's partner singing & humming to himself as he walked downstairs moments ago-
automatic coffee makers: self explanatory-
faith: sun keeps coming up & with it an immutable peace-
emotion: the ability to know great love & loss-
circles: that mine includes so many people who are important to me-
babies: especially the one who caught me by surprise & amazes me still-
family trees: that the blanks above, beside & below my name belong to those they do-
light: from the tangled mess removed from my artificial tree this morning, to the glow inside of me-
electric blankets: also self explanatory-
air: physically & spiritually-
home: nothing like it-
gratitude: & the wisdom to live it out-
gatherings: past, present & ones I only long for-

blessings...

what?

November 21. Thanksgiving will be behind us by the close of this week and Christmas is already at the door. I knew October would disappear but where the heck did November go? Argh. If December follows suit we'll be packing for Israel and walking down an aisle before we even know what hit us. Wow, that's a lot to take in. Maybe that's why eternity isn't something we can get our minds around. Nothing lasts. Well nothing except a tin of bag balm. I don't think mine even has a bottom.

That said, I have managed to find myself too busy to blog. Imagine that. Nothing like a few weddings and a funeral to keep things hopping.

Shawna and John are in the process of purchasing their first home. (This is surreal.) That's been crazy but needless to say they are both really excited.

I enlisted the help of a friend at church to help with the remaining details of the wedding in hopes that we can avoid the loss of what mind I have left. We'll see.

We met with the caterer and made our deposit. Ca-ching.

We have a florist. Ca-ching.

We have favors selected. Ca-ching.

We have ideas. Ca-ching, ca-ching.

We spent the weekend in St. Louis; they have registered at Crate and Barrel, Target & Bed, Bath and Beyond, emphasis on Beyond... Since I have already purchased their dishes, bedding etc. (before they discontinued them as is often the case), gave them all their bathroom towels and accessories for Christmas last year, and several of their loved ones have been gifting them with house related items for the last few birthdays and other special occasions they already are way ahead of the game in many ways. That left them plenty of room to register for things like tents and robotic vacuum cleaners :) They are quite a pair. Happy shopping to those of you who fall into their guestlist category.

I began my Christmas shopping while they were busy making their wish lists and although I ended the two day rendezvous with a speeding ticket (65 in a 55...did not see that sign, nor did he weaken when I asked if he felt convicted by the Holy Spirit to give me a warning as I had been praying he might...something about cracking down on the accidents in that particular area...) I did manage to make some progress on the old shopping list. Ca-ching, ca-ching, ca-ching.

Much to do today and the week to follow. Needless to say, missing my poppa is a close companion and we're swimming with responsibilities that could overwhelm if I go there, which I won't with everything else on our plate right now. One day at a time...twang away.

Happy last full week of November 2005. With all that's going on, I'm still a might beyond November 2004 and for that I am grateful. Life is good, all said and done, and for every ending, for every threatening sadness there is unspeakable joy. And in that I rejoice. We're doing better than we deserve pop.

later...

...from the backseat on the way home from pizza hut, two hours after a saturday night sermon on "thou shalt not lie"; as relayed to me later that night:

chandler: mom, what he said tonight really touched my heart.
veronica: what who said?
chandler: josh.
veronica: what do you mean?
chandler: well, I like the way he talks. he talks like brian.
veronica: what about it touched your heart?
chandler: well, sometimes I goof around at school like I wouldn't do at home and that's like telling a lie, like he said and I don't want to do that. he just really touched my heart.

chandler. sweet intuitive chandler. you've absolutely no idea how you've touched ours...

Post lunch conversation as Kevin walked out the front door:

Me: Are you wearing your new glasses when you drive?
Him: Yes.
Me: Are you lying?
Him: Yes.
Me: Kevin...[door closes]
Him: Okay...

Me: Walking from the kitchen to the front door to see if he put them on.
Him: Putting them on, looking through the van window at the front door with a smile that said "I knew you'd be looking."

Not sure how or why, but somewhere between "I do" and the reception line, I did indeed become his mother. And as irritating as that is to him, it isn't like he didn't revert to a few adolescent behaviors before the ink dried on the license...

must-read...

Brian's current post is a must-read. Beautiful...

special persons day...

Kindergarten teacher: "Boys and girls, please stand up and introduce your special guests in a louder voice than we usually use indoors."

Harrison: "This is my mom. This is Shawna. And this....is dorkadoo."

Hilarious this kid. At least he didn't call me a butt crack...