branson...

Besides his birthday, my future son-in-law has two favorite holidays: Christmas Eve & July 4th. Besides a drum throne, my future son-in-law has two favorite locations: our family room sofa & Branson, USA. Besides fog machines, my future son-in-law has two favorite passions: lights & fireworks.

Fortunately for him, we will leave Sunday morning to spend the 4th of July, in Branson watching....fireworks. And since they are legal in Missouri...I'm sure he'll get his hands on some before the night is over.

Unfortunately for Kevin, we're leaving Sunday morning to spend the 4th of July, in Branson watching... fireworks. And he's already whining about it.

Rewind: It's the week of January 10th. I'm knee deep in boxes after moving everything home from my office at church. I'm also knee deep in all the emotional baggage that followed me home. The phone rings. I picked up. She had me at "you've been selected". When she asked if I could give her the names of all my friends...I gave her Veronica's number. We're all going. John can't wait...I would never do it justice to describe how animated he gets about Branson and his love affair with this place...but it's quite a funny thing. He loves it all: the gospel music halls, the souvenir strip, the miniature golf, the water park and....the night life [the place does stay up longer than anything around these here parts...] and the fact that he's going there with Shawna is about to put the kid in heart arrest.

Then there's Kevin. He found out today that my dad is stubbornly refusing to go. He says it isn't fair that he has to go, that I'm ruining his 3 day weekend and I have no idea how hard he works and looks forward to these holidays. All crammed up in a van for 3 days....who's gonna watch the cat...we're not buying fireworks...you wouldn't like it if I planned your life for you...it's going to be hot...I'm not swimming...I could care less about Branson...we're talking some major complaining here folks.

I'm still waiting for the right time to tell him we both have to listen to a 90 -minute spiel about their timeshares...but hey, it was $44 for two nights and I was after all..."selected". Besides, it's only once a year we're treated to John's "showchoiresque" rendition of "God Bless the USA" and I'm betting on multiple performances when he's smack dab in the middle of Branson on the 4th of July!

*I hope Shawna isn't disappointed with his honeymoon plans for the two of them. Can you see the look on her face when he tells her they have an "appointment" the morning after? "...it'll only take 90 minutes..." Would not be surprised :)

I think the ruffle
really makes a difference,
don't you?

*I love this card [Fresh Ink, by Hallmark] Veronica sent me earlier this season. Crack. Me. Up. If you don't get it, it's because you've never "been there"...

Growing increasingly familiar [annoyed] with Kevin's repeated inquiries about the location of the cat and his gruff and inhumane warnings about what he'll do to her if she pees on something, I posted a note on the front door before he came home for lunch today, and it read:

"Asleep. Under my computer. Yes, I know. Step on little head..."

braindead.

Seriously. I don't know what's wrong with me of late. First I doubled booked for a wedding in October. Same day. Same time. 2 weddings. 2 completely different cities. 1 winner. 2 losers and I am one of them.

Then this morning I discover that on July 12th, not only am I directing a choir rehearsal @ 7:00 and leading a worship experience @ 8:00, but I was supposed to be co-hosting a bridal shower for my nephew's bride elect. These things make me sick to my stomach inside. Seems like my efficiency level dropped considerably when I jumped into the world of the unemployed and this just isn't like me. At all.

So is it gingko biloba I'm deficient in, or am I just in the early stages of mental failure? I don't know. But I rapidly need to get my...act...together. It's beginning to feel like I peaked early and am on the backside of what used to be a rather impressive potential to plate spin.

Ugh.

one funny guy...

I was coming down the stairs to leave for Jess's wedding on Saturday and showed Kevin my "artwork". [I was sporting a sizable blemish on my chin and had masterfully concealed it with make-up...] Having viewed the before and after images, he quickly says behind me on the way out the door:

"Ya never know what y'er marryin' till they wash their faces"...

I laughed. But I'll get him back.

Nuptials...

Jess & Jon were married this evening. Wow. That's been a long time coming. Sha fixed Jess's hair this morning and she was off for the rest of the wedding day preparations. Somehow the guys have something figured out that the female gender, in all these generations past has never quite got their minds around: just show up.

The guys played golf and goofed around most of the day...slipped on a tux and were good to go. The ladies...well. It was one gorgeous wedding and they are all due for a good nap. It really was a beautiful ceremony; Jess was wedding cake perfect and Jon couldn't take his eyes off of her. Gil did one of the best ceremonies I've ever been a part of, and the music was fabulous if I do say so myself :) The reception was fun and I'm just so happy for all of them. They are some special people.

I enjoyed seeing my future son-in-law all dressed up in a tux...providing some of the best ushering services to be found and it was fun seeing him and Sha doing the "this will be us" looks back and forth at each other. After seeing all this work unfold...I'm looking up an event planner number this week and hooking myself up with some major assistance. No way I'm going into this wedding with all of that on my shoulders. They pulled it off but it could get ugly if I try it, this I know.

I left rehearsal last night feeling, I don't know, sort of uncomfortable accompanying the trio number. I couldn't help feeling like 2 of them made one of them feel inadequate; like he wasn't polished enough, and it bothered me all day today. Going in tonight, I decided it was just me feeling awkward/jealous/caddy...your choice, and as I stood in the hallway listening to them rehearse the song without me, honestly I felt a bit...well, replaced. Hey, I like myself, so I wasn't going to let it get the best of me, but I noticed. Ends up, after an unexpected chat before the ceremony started, they actually had made him feel inadequate, and they had made him feel like he wasn't good enough. Sometimes this "sense" I have turns out to be more than just paranoia and ends up being exactly what I think it is. Sadly, this guy can sing for me any day of the week. He has one of those voices that just make you want to lose yourself in worship when he sings. And for them to make him feel that way about his gift, intentional or not, is really sad to me. I know things take time, but it worries me sometimes, what I've done by leaving. And I'm sorry for that.

Well, that was a tangent. At the end of the chat, he asked me if "my" piano missed me :) I laughed about the imprint of my buttom on the seat cover and he sweetly said, "that's not the only impression you left behind..." and then he said that we had some amazing times that no one will ever be able to take from us. Yup. Not ever...

And on a brighter note: by this time tomorrow night, I will have gotten to play and sing with my good friend Brian, as we celebrate his ordination. It's going to be a great day.

He gives...again.

twit.

I called Matt a twit tonight. Teasing him like I've always done. He teased back. Then he asks the new girl how come she hasn't called him that yet. The new girl says, I'd never do that.

Guess that makes me a twit.

late bloomer...

I was watering flowers in the front yard and was nicely surprised to find one lone little bloom on my lilac tree. Smells like May...he gives*...

*thanks gil...

the dwelling...

I ran late but was just in time to hear two of my "babies" sing an amazing duet to begin the service. It was a sign of good things to come. They were just so good. Every duet, every solo, every skit, the narration, video, theme...all very good. I was and am really proud of these kids. My kids. Hey, they always will be. I didn't cry. So I must be making some much-needed progress, but it was really hard not to be a part of it all. A friend of mine wrote this week "what we do and when we do it often only lays the groundwork for what others do, when they do it. It's a beautiful frustration in the end that I can live with. " I know just what he means. I had nothing to do with the actual week or two of preparations for this particular worship experience, but I'd like to believe my investment in these kids for the last gazillion years had something to do with not only the obvious talents they've developed but the great hearts to support it as well.

It was a great time. I smiled as I was thanked over and over again for coming; a bit surprised I was there. I don't think they get it. Or ever, really will...

MOTB...Day 316

I just know I should be doing something. Guest list or the like. [Rough draft yielded 700+; hall capacity: 450] Dreading that process so, nope, not this week. [45 to go...] Our weekends are booked as far as Saturdays go, for the next 4 weeks. [Make that 5 weeks. There went July.] Won't be any dress decisions made before August which means no decorations, flowers, tuxes, invitations etc. to be even looked at until she picks. I need the two of them to stand still long enough to meet with the "approved" caterers to make some decisions there too...but probably need to have a people count by then. And I don't know if the two of them will ever be able to decide on music. Too much to choose from I guess. The summer is fleeting and I'm not even working. Oh well. 15 variety shows & countless musicals/cantatas/shines...this should be a piece of cake, right???

Me: You must admit that anyone who saw Tigger a week ago seriously thought she was dying. It's just amazing that she has bounced back like this...amazing.

Kev: And we're happy about this, why?

Note to self: Do not confuse mustard with popcorn topping dispenser again in the future. End note.

crap it's hot.

tiggerific...

We have bonded. Again. Tig & I were tight once upon a time. We sadly have grown apart from years of gradually doing our own thing and not investing much in one another. It sometimes takes something like this to wake us up to what really matters in this life we live. I thank God for giving us a second chance, for letting us realize how much we mean to one another and forcing us to experience each precious moment like it could be the last one we are blessed enough to share together. We are now inseparable. Her steps quicken when she sees me reach for her and my heart skips a beat when she purrs as I caress her sweet face. Life is the richer for this near death experience and we have both seen the light of eternity pass before our eyes and will not make the same mistake twice. It has taken us 10 lives to get it right and we are committed to making this one the sweetest of them all...

Lol.

ima loser...

11. Count them. 11 frames lining both sides of my hallway upstairs that were carefully spaced and hung countless months ago. The loser part sunk in today as I remembered I have never quite gotten around to replacing the collage of pictures from "Japan" with our own. Seriously lacking in the personal touch department. I better do it before the rest of my mind vacates the premises. Years from now I'll frustrate myself because for the life of me I can't remember their names...

randoms...

~Tig is better. Not all better, but better. She however will not live long into this 10th life she has been granted if she doesn't quickly gain control of her mental faculties and remember where her cat box is located. I am all about tolerance but even I have my limits. And peeing on the dining room carpet is one of them. I'm not ready to put her to sleep as was Kevin's ultimatum when he left this morning...especially after I have cared for her enough to get this far...but. Can't have that happen again.

~Surprised Kev with Paul McCartney tickets for Father's Day. The concert isn't until October but it will nice to look forward to. I have always said I wanted Kevin to get a chance to see him live, being the HUGE fan that he is, and although it was a bit pricey, we're going. He didn't hoop & holler but he did look pleased.

~My cousin Jeff [a long time friend of Kev's from before we even met] is here from Palmdale, CA. with his family. Kevin has been patiently waiting his turn to spend some time with him, knowing both in-laws live in Qcy. and they usually visit once a year or so. Jeff is one funny guy. Always has been. Jeff and Kevin together are a riot & they were finally together last night. We laughed well past the 1:00 hour this morning and it was really nice to see them.

~Erin turns 21 tomorrow in Africa on a safari [there's a birthday that will never be topped!] & John turns 22 on Friday. Jess & Jon are married on Saturday, and Brian is ordained :) on Sunday night. Might send them an ecard eks621@hotmail.com; johnnybegood48@hotmail.com; jessicafarlow@hotmail.com; lowery_brian@hotmail.com.

~Kev's arms are slowly feeling better. After all was said and done, it was a God thing that he wasn't hurt more seriously. Seriously. It was quite a fall. Thankful he's okay.

Have a fantabulous Monday. I don't dread them these days. Well. I didn't really dread them before either. Regardless, it's gorgeous here in Qtown and I think I'll go for my walk. Love to all...

all the doings...

Right. I only wish there had been doings. Aside from caring for Tig [who John thinks is purely playing me for the attention] and Kev's tumble down the basement stairs, not a whole lot going on this end of the cul-de-sac. And yes, Kev fell down the stairs Thursday night. He chose the head-first version and his arms received the impact of the body that followed. So, as of the last two days, he is pretty stiff and sore and requires my assistance for a few basic operations like fastening his pants, pulling on his socks, etc. [I'd suspect he staged this whole thing and is also playing me for the attention except it hurts too much to play his bass and he would never fake that even for a little tlc...]

Thankfully he can attend to his personal hygiene requirements, but I have had to step it up in the pool maintenance dept. And, if he isn't better in a day or two, looks like I might have a 2nd go at the grass as well :)

We're at one week with the cat. She seriously didn't look like she'd be around Friday morning...Thursday night was a long one...but this morning, she followed me downstairs like "normal", took the stairs like nothing was wrong and dived into a can of cat food. She either really has a mixture of Minnesota bear in her blood or she is just sticking around to torture Kevin. [I wonder where she was when he fell...]

Well. I'm seriously due for a lofty post of some kind but it ain't gonna happen today. Not looking good for tomorrow either actually. Have a great Saturday. Mine was supposed to be spent at the Savvis Center in St. Louis with my good friends at the Women of Faith conference. Even if it isn't my cup of tea I was looking forward to going. Just wasn't meant to be.

ba-

ahhh....

I was quite tempted to go back to sleep after Shawna left this morning-sorely missing an uninterrupted night's sleep, but I resisted and opted instead to take Tig outside while I watered my plants. It was a gorgeous morning out there so I placed a chair under the only tree we have big enough to place a chair under, and grabbed a cup of coffee and the copy of Randy Alcorn's "Heaven" that Pam lent me earlier this week. I'm excited about reading the book and coupled with the near-perfect morning the first few chapters flew by. Not a bad way to begin a Thursday.

Tig slept through the night without event except for slipping between the headboard & mattress, leaving her head and front paws sticking up whimpering for help. Every twist and turn I made woke Kev, who was trying his best to accommodate our presence in bed with him. I opted to move to the sofa and let him enjoy what was left of the night.

She's a bit more active today, not active enough to herald a 10th life, but active enough to have to keep watching her. Probably means I won't get much done today either. [Kev, I have been in the guest room sorting through things so I'll keep trying to work around her :)]

Have a great day. Get out there and do something productive. Looks like I'm on nursery duty again today...

tig...

It's hard to blog with a cat on your lap so haven't gotten around to it today. She's still among the living but who knows. She manages to get up and roam around a bit, but spends most of the day and night asleep on me. When I lay her down she'll sleep for a little while but I can't go too far or she "calls" for me. I know. Got it bad. She's just so soft and sweet and frail. I thought my pace was slow of late to begin with, but man, I'm at a screeching halt. I just can't perimeter her off in some cat proof area and let her wake up disoriented or scared. Just can't do it. God knows me better than I know myself. [revelation...] He knows if she just died before I would have felt guilty for being annoyed with her constant whining and for giving her small bits of attention these last few years. We are making up for it big time. Of the last 72 hours she has spent the best part of them being held and coddled. I really don't think it will be long but what do I know.

I was on the phone in the living tonight [Sara called from Louisville!!] and she was in the kitchen asleep in her basket. Next thing I know she was walking into the living room toward the sound of my voice. This meant she had to get out of the basket by herself, which is hard for her to maneuver without assistance. But she heard my voice. Stupid hearts. It's a cat for goodness sake. And I'm blogging about it. And you're reading about it. So we both probably need to get a life going here in the near future.

I'm supposed to go to a Women of Faith conference Friday & Saturday. [Not a big fan of these conferences but it was a weak moment and I signed up. The company will rock but just not my cup of tea...] Anyway, if she's still here I'm not sure I can leave. Will have to see.

Other than this cat drama going on, I really haven't got much to say. Had the first rehearsal with the choir for this worship night in July, last night. I thought it went pretty well. Just different. But there were some familiar faces so I was okay. We chased that down with another hour or two of worship as a few of us gathered to sing some old favorites. Rob had a new pedal & guitar, Pam trimmed her nails and calloused her dormant fingers, Ginny wailed and the rest of us came along for the ride. It was fun. Just different. And of course we took Tigger. She slept the whole five hours.

Missed my study this morning & not planning on going anywhere tomorrow. This is killing my pool time but I love my cat so it's all good.

We did fit some bocce into the evening. Sat Tig's basket in the grass and Kev & John completely annihilated Shawna & I. Kevin didn't even want to play and he was wicked. And let me tell you, his competitive spirit is alive and well. He had some great throws. The best part of the evening was John tossing the bocce balls at Kev's bare feet and watching Kev "dance" to avoid having his toes smashed. Really funny visual if you know our Kevin. Was a definite challenge not to pee myself.

Headed to bed until Tig wakes me up. Beginning to feel like we have a newborn in the house...

tig...

Still here.

Sha spent the night on the sofa holding her. She still stands up once in a while but she's getting weaker. Drank some water this morning. She is the sweetest little thing. Cat or no cat. Cancelled my doctor's appt. this morning. Just can't leave her.

Kev just walked past on his way out the door. I hear him say, "Soon Tigger. Very soon."

MOTB...327

I've been pretty distracted with Tigger since we got back Saturday night but I thought I should update you on our progress. We had 7 dresses on our list before we headed back to St. Louis Saturday, and now there are 3 more. We drove all over the place. We shopped at the oldest bridal shop in St. Louis first [100 years in the biz...]but I could tell immediately "it" wasn't there. We then hit 5 more bridal shops before the day was over. She found several possibilities at "The Ultimate Bride" which I have always teased her about whenever we have driven past that store for years. [I always tell her she's going to be the ultimate bride...] But I think we're very close. I know two of the gowns bumped the others farther down the list which is progress.

This is so much fun. Exhausting. But fun.

We enjoyed a tasty dinner at Fuzio Universal Pasta. We shared their fuzio firecracker pork fusilli [ever get the chance, give it a go! We opted not to have the pesto mixed in, more heat that we can handle and it was wonderful without...] their chicken sausage penne and a Caesar salad. I enjoyed having a dinner for two with my baby girl, and the food was amazing. I. So. Love. Her.

There you have it. I did purchase a larger binder. What was I thinking? 10 months to go and the other was already bursting...should be good to go now...

I was fixing lunch and put Tig back in her bed believing Kevin wouldn't touch any food the cat was close enough to contaminate...[as it was he made sure I had washed my hands] Well, she stands up, wobbly mind you and begins to moan. Break my heart. I'm still cooking and try to calm her with my voice. Her head pops up, which in itself is something she hasn't done in two days, and then as I walk that way she walks right over to me like nothing was wrong. Head up, legs normal, obviously assured by the sound of my voice. I get ready to pronounce her healed [please say that like Benny Hinn]and hurry to get her some food and water. I begin to say how encouraging it is to see her walk normally and somewhat responsive, that maybe she just has the flu or something and then Kevin who is impatiently waiting for his lunch says: "Encouraging? How can that possibly be encouraging?"

He obviously had not yet read my last entry or if he had, he elected not to heed some potentially life saving advice :) I hastily informed him of the multiple benefits simply eating his lunch quietly and returning to work soon thereafter would afford him...

BTW....she quickly returned to the lethargic state she's been in...perhaps one last burst of energy...but she wanted me and that was enough to send me into tears for the next hour or so...she is one sweet cat.

tig...

She's still here. Part of me wanted to wake up and find her gone, the other part that set the alarm every other hour through the night was relieved to see her little rib cage still moving up and down. The vet said this could take a couple days. No way to know I guess.

Sha stayed home today from school. Call me a weak parent, call me soft...but this cat is really her oldest friend. They were inseparable until Sha's high school schedule picked up and she was gone more than home. Even then, Tig would always sleep with her at night, until recently when the jumps to our beds weren't doable for her aging body. That's when we got her a little heat pad and cushy bed to sleep in. [Kev's idea...how funny is that?]Anyway, the two of them are asleep on the sofa. As much as I'd like to be the one holding her when she goes, it would be fitting for it to be Shawna. I just snuck in and snapped a picture of them laying there. When Shawna sleeps she still looks like a little girl. Oh, the precious circle of life, huh?

I watched Sha's long slender fingers stroke Tig's tail before she fell asleep. If I had a dollar for every time she's done that through the years Kev could stay home. She would tell you how tired she gets of me asking her not to do it. This process yields shedded hair that she would repeatedly send floating into the air. Still, my little hair twirling daughter finds this routine a natural expression of her attachment to this cat and she will no doubt miss its comforting ritual.

She's apparently in no discomfort. She purrs a lot and drinks some water when we offer it. No appetite and when she tries to stand, she just moves in a circle until she freezes in place standing up. I don't think she can see and I don't think she really knows where she is. Except when we hold her. I can tell by the purr she knows exactly where she is. So I'll stay home again today and hold her like I did yesterday. And I'll try not to think about how silly I'll feel if Kevin sees me crying over that cat. If he's smart, he'll seriously err on the side of silence and avoid saying something unintentionally stupid and insensitive. That would include but not be limited to:

• "it's about time."
• "just put her in the trash...we are not putting a hole in yard"
• "when can we re-carpet the house?"
• "what's for dinner?"

I'm signing off. My turn to hold her...

hannibal...

Ok. This is a bit of a sick read but I laughed anyway. [Waiter Rant] Find the post for June 8th...Hannibal.

tig...

When we walked in late last night, John was sitting with Tigger asleep on his lap. When I got in bed, Kevin told me she had acted really weird through the day...sleeping in odd positions, trying to curl up under things. This morning she was asleep on the floor by my bed and not in her basket. She tried to follow me downstairs but I ended up carrying her. Since then she just hasn't been herself. I think she's probably dying. She doesn't seem to be uncomfortable, just pretty weak and non-responsive to ordinary prompts. And it doesn't seem like she can see anything. I stayed home from church this morning. Just didn't feel right leaving her alone, even if she is a cat. We brought her home from a Minnesota rural road 21 years ago this month. Our little six-toed, bear cub friend may just leave us today. As often as we joke about her, she has been a perfect "friend" for Shawna and a loving pet, fur balls and all. Planning to stay close to day. Seems the least I can do for her after all these years...

Poor Kev. As I'm scrolling through my posts he informs me how it bothers him that I leave some of them untitled. Lol. Anyone seen his carpet comb?

redemption...

So Kev read my comment on Sara's blog about how nice it was for him to be so willing to help her fix her link problems and was of little [NO] help to me when he sent mine into a tilt-a-whirl a couple weeks ago. Tonight he knelt patiently beside me as we successfully added his art to my current template and it seems to be working flawlessly. Tell me how you like his handiwork...I rock at this guilt trip stuff...

deja vu...

This afternoon I rehearsed with the string quartet for the upcoming Farlow/Pittman wedding at MPCC. I agreed to arrange string parts for both the attendant processional and bridal march and was quite pleased with myself all said and done with how it sounded together today. [when skills lay dormant it's nice to know they remain apt when called into active duty]

I walked through a corridor that wasn't even there a few months ago and entered the worship center like it wasn't in any way, shape or form as odd as it really felt. I plopped my butt down on the familiar bench-complete with a permanent imprint of this same butt; set for life in the nap of the velvet cushion my aunt made for me years ago. Unless I'm mistaken, the piano has been tuned since last Saturday's wedding I played for but I'm not sure. I moved to the stage to explain the music to the quartet as Helga walked past the side door. She took a double take and came in to give me a hug. She thought it weird to see me there.

I'm going to be at this a long time. One day: my whole world wrapped up in what took place on that platform. Next day & all those after: searching for a mere slice of that purpose and passion.

Some days it feels like I've only been faking this recovery. Tonight I just don't know what I want. None of it actually seems real sometimes and the more I think I've found my way the more lost I think I am in all actuality.

All the chattering disappears and it scares me how very much of me is missing in the silence. At least tonight that's how it feels. Tomorrow is another day...and I'll be back on my game.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

MOTB... Day 330

It's back to the gown hunt tomorrow. Sha & I leave early in the morning for St. Louis. We're going to the oldest bridal shop in St. Louis just for grins, smack down town, love it. Then we're headed to at least two other shops. We have several pages marked in catalogs and several from the internet so hopefully she'll be able to find them tomorrow. I have no idea if we'll locate "the one" tomorrow or not, but I so enjoy the pursuit.

Other than that we really haven't done a whole lot recently. Maybe choosing a dress will get us rolling once again in the direction of attendants dresses, tuxes, flowers, decorations, invitations...the whole nine yards. There are certainly plenty of decisions begging for our attention so no doubt we need to get moving again.

Looking forward to spending tomorrow with my baby. [John and Tyler are taking advantage of her absence to play a little golf and spend some time together before Tyler heads off for his summer of LCC camp teams.]That will make for two days in one week I've had Sha all to myself. Glory. My cup overfloweth.

Wish I didn't have to go anywhere...even though my nails will look simply smashing by noon today. Still, it's a dark, stormy morning and some gentle thunder is rumbling... hinting we're in for a nice rain. If I didn't have to scoot, I'd be putting on my loon cd [nostalgia for Minnesota summers settles in on days like this one...] and watching the rain. Instead, I'll go get ready and head across town. My priorities found wanting...guess I'll settle for a quick squeeze or two of my stuffed loon and head to Nisswa in my heart...

the perfect day...

Neal, Becky and Holly spent the whole morning in our music room as John helped them lay down vocals for this new choir thing...partially for my benefit and partially to give everyone something to rehearse with. I had a great time. Ever live moments almost on a dual level? Like, being in the moment but also seeing it as something eternal? Something providential? Something chosen? Well, I'm having those moments all the time these days and loving it.

Made killer taco salads for Kev & I for lunch and then....I almost forgot my buddy Gil called and we decided to get together for supper tonight, which was a day maker all in its own right.

I had totally anticipated rain this afternoon...to the point of being surprised to look outside at 2:00 and see my lovely pool shimmering in the sunlight. Minutes later I was christening my new foam raft and pinching myself that a day could in fact be this perfect. I might have looked more like Jesus if I hadn't chosen to call Pam and Kevin in the middle of their afternoon at work and make splashing noises through the phone. Pam's was sheer cruelty. Kevin's was packaged as a "thank you" for providing this recreational opportunity for me to enjoy. It was glorious.

After a quick trip to the market I began the preparations for our feast this evening. Wisely simple, but delicious. Ang, Gil, Carter and Pam completed the circle at the table and it was fantastic catching up a bit and just getting to spend some time together. Gil & Carter took a dip and we wrapped the evening up sitting outside enjoying the company of these lifetime friendships we've been blessed to share.

Checked my email...a sweet note from Becky about this morning and then Sha calls. What a day. What a day, indeed.

fuel...

Shawna just called. I could actually barely hear her with all the background noise. Just when I was getting annoyed at having to repeat everything...she says, "I'm with a bunch of fuel people. We're taking up the whole smoking section at Applebee's." In one sentence God turned my impatience into sheer joy. I'm telling you...He's up to something huge in fuel. Cheese away Brian Lowery...cheese away.

So I made it to Bible study this morning but it was basically just getting our books and watching part of a video testimony by the author...nothing impressive so far but I'll give it a chance. I did get to sit next to familiar faces...Ginny Roberts and Heather Kim. And I smiled as I looked around the room and could actually come up with the names of 6-7 other ladies. 6-7 names I didn't know a couple months ago. Progress. And not only did I know their names but I have actually prayed specifically for them over the last several weeks and feel like I know a little about them. Progress and then some.

I'm liking this Neal guy a lot. Guy cranked out another song this morning and I got to hear it in progress. I wish I felt more like it's my home and a little less like being a guest but I'm getting there...and they've been great at making me feel welcome, I just think it's going to take some more time. I have spent so much time on the other side of this welcome thing, it has definitely stretched me a bit.

Looks like "we'll" be getting a choir going in the weeks to come and that I'll be getting my feet wet again. [For the sake of the good old rumor mill...this is not a job...just the beginning of a ministry I have sorely missed.]It will be nice to be singing again and creating again and it's going to be a bit more relaxed as far as scheduling and commitment so that's cool too. I could get used to the schedule I'm keeping these days...not ready to be as busy as I was anytime soon.

Stopped by to munch a few peas from dad's garden and as we talked in the backyard I could see the skies getting darker by the minute in my neck of the woods. This was soon to be confirmed as I drove home. Good. Ness. Darker and increasingly nasty the closer I got to our subdivision. [John & Sha just walked in singing "Somewhere over the rainbow"..how weird is that...] I stood on the front porch and watched the storm roll in, called all my special people to make sure they were safe and turned on the TV for updates. I didn't hear the sirens but a phone call to the Fey's revealed they were in their basement and were adamant I do the same. Freak me out. Anyway...storms over and we're all okay. My bench made of barnsiding that sits on my front porch ended up in the grass so it there must have been some major wind going on.

I'll finish this later...they just started "Phantom of the Opera" and they aren't waiting any longer...

Sleep well...

Well. 6:30 came and went which means Sha & I did not get our walk in this morning. Actually, we haven't gotten any walks in that started that early. I know. Half the day is gone when we sleep till 7:30 but I just don't think I have it in me or every really did. My girl is nocturnal too. Always has been. It isn't a salvation issue so I'm not "gonna lose any sleep over it" for sure...

I do however have a load of laundry in, fed the moaning-please-feed-me-I-haven't-eaten-in-hours-and-I-won't-stop-moaning-till-you-get-up -cat and I have Shawna's lunch packed and her breakfast waiting. [Today she'll be surprised: smiley spaghettios, her favorite. Makes for nice afternoon breath...]

I start a new study this morning. Kay Arthur, I believe. Never read her before but we'll give it a go. And I better scoot. Not sure what the weather person has predicted for our Wednesday, but it never did rain last night. There were some major power issues going on though...lots of snap, crackle, pop and blinking appliances. Including Kev's electric alarm clock, which we are going to replace. To be sound asleep and wakened to the rapid clicking of him trying to reset it in the dark...over, and over, and...love you babe...we are just getting a battery operated clock for you. Soon.

Have a great day all. If you know my Aunt Liz...it's her birthday today.

ba-

we be jammin'...

Well I got some good news today. I can use the Diorusso on Tuesday evenings for hosting a worship session for Ret & friends. No charge and no fuss. Just the way I was hoping. I'm not sure where if anywhere this will lead but I know it has been a long dry stretch of road without some tunes with my favorite people. I can't begin to tell you how excited I am. Gonna drag my Korg out there, poor girl hasn't been touched, and I'm gonna pull out some tunes and we just gonna sing ourselves silly. Hope the good Lord is ready to have His ears full 'cause we gonna raise the roof.

Word of mouth invitations, so anyone wants to come....come! 8-10, June 14th.

Be there or be square...

ponderings...

Honestly since her early days in high school I haven't had a ton of time to spend with Shawna...just the two of us. Plenty of hours chalked up in worship rehearsals, youth activities etc. but not so much just the two of us like it used to be when she was small. And once that Mitchell boy decided she was worth his attention I spend a lot of time with "them" just not with "her".

Today was her Monday off and since John had to work, she was all mine :) She slept in a little and then we surfed the net a bit looking for the "dress". Still a work in progress but fun. I fixed us some lunch to eat while we watched half of "Days" and then we decided to give Tigger a much needed haircut.

Tigger is 21 as you know and doesn't maintain her lovely coat as well as she used to. Usually I take her to a groomer but I've had trouble getting her an appointment...so. Sha got out her clippers and scissors and went to work on her in the front yard. There were so many clumps of hair on the lawn it looked like Kevin ran over a rabbit or two with the mower.

Shawna worked on her for two hours, including a shampoo & rinse with the garden hose and a blow dry to try and transform what looked like some type of scrawny sci-fi creature to more of what resembled our previously pampered, though aging pet. Hours later she is still trying to figure out what hit her.

While we were out there I told Sha how glad I was God has chosen to lend her to me when there were so many other mothers to choose from. And she says, "why?" It was one of those moments I almost missed. I was watering flowers across the yard while she was grooming the cat and I almost didn't hear what she said. It reminded me of the phrase I would sing to her when she was small, sometimes just to remind her I was there. I would sing, "Who's my special girl?" and her little voice would answer, "I am, I am." Lol. I can hear John making a puking noise in my head right now...he's not sure what to think of this love affair I have with my baby girl. But that voice that asked me why today sounded a little like that same voice still searching for confirmation, for affirmation, for perhaps a more mature understanding of exactly what was so special about her after all.

Well. I told her a few things today. But I'm gonna start writing them down and give them to her before she leaves and cleaves. Just so she never forgets...

Anyway...

It was like 90 degrees out by the time we finished with the feline, but Shawna coaxed me into taking the walk we had planned on taking earlier in the morning. Mercy it was warm. But a quick dip in the pool made the hour I spent thinking I was gonna need a paramedic seem like ancient history.

We got ready and headed to Krieger's for dinner with John and Kevin. Nice times. Love those two [J & S]separately. Together it's almost more than I can contain. Kevin and John both advised her to pass up the purchase of additional footwear but we sent them off to Radio Shack and headed to a couple of our favorite spots to blatantly defy them both.

John left for his softball game, Sha left for her volleyball game and I made Kevin guard our purchases on a bench outside Maurice's while I popped in to pick out a couple things to surprise her with when she gets home tonight. [He "gave" me three minutes. He sat patiently for at least 20.]

We stopped at the KC's and caught her last two games then headed home.

I simply adore my Shawna. Always have. Always will. She's not perfect, but darn if she ain't close. She's my indescribably special girl and it was a beautiful surprise to spend this day with her all to myself...

13 candles...

I remember standing in the hospital hallway outside the delivery room waiting for Veronica to deliver her first baby. Moments later we were introduced to Emma Lee [first name] Christine [middle name]. Emma was my paternal grandmother's name and Christina Lee was my maternal grandmother's name. [She "hailed" from Kentucky so Chris"tina" was pronounced with a long I. My grandpa called her "Tiny".] My middle name is also Christina so she's named after me a bit as well.

Emma Lee turned 13 today amid a swim meet in St. Louis all weekend. I arranged to have flowers waiting for her in their hotel room when they arrived yesterday and then tonight as they arrived back in town we sent 13 bottle rockets left over from last year's near fatal fireworks display into the night sky to welcome her home. We then feasted on an ice cream cake from DQ and finished the evening with the two boys pretty much immobilizing their aunt both in and outside the house with a sundry of karate & wrestling moves. And I would be remiss if I didn't include the fact that John "took me down" on the front lawn. Twice. That boy is gonna get it some day...I was just thankful I didn't pee my pants which often threatens in situations like this.

It would have been a perfect evening if Abby hadn't gone at a full run from dad's truck in through the front door [wood floors] that happened to open at just the right time and she gained entrance to the foyer and kitchen before Kevin could stop her. I wasn't in the house but I guess it wasn't pretty. We are a dog-free residence and are apt to stay that way if Kevin has anything to do with it...

All said and done, it was a fine night. Ribs on the grill, fresh corn on the cob and a bit of football/softball tossing in the yard...[missed ya, B...]

I'm planning to take Emma to Hannibal one day this week and have her pampered at Shawna's school. It should be a lot of fun and seems like something a new teen would enjoy.

It's been a full weekend. Played for a wedding at MPCC Saturday, two graduation parties to go to, and once again an amazing morning in worship. Going to be a cool series I think..."The Hitchhiker's Guide"...today it was on Romans 1:16. I enjoy the extra effort they put into setting the stage every week. Always something to make it "stick". Good stuff.

Have a great Monday. Erin called from Greece today...crazy. It was midnight there at the time. I suppose she'll be getting up pretty soon. Too cool.

night.

Kevin thinking out loud moments ago: "Shawna's not home...good..." as he picks up his bass to play without headphones...

tpofe...

Caught up on my calendar again...I don't think it is as effective on a weekly-catch-up basis as it was on a daily basis...not sure what I got goin' on there but...I like this quote from Thursday...

"To the degree that leaders and managers build cultures around continuous work--whether that means several-hour meetings or long days or the expectation that people will work in the evenings and on weekends--performance is necessarily compromised over time. Cultures that encourage people to seek intermittent renewal not only inspire greater commitment, but also more productivity."

I didn't leave my job because of the "pace". However, I grew increasingly aware of the decreasing space of "downtime" in the events department the last several years. I agree worship should be 24/7 for the lack of a lesser-used phrase, but I was at the point where there was seriously always something going on. Definitely more energy expended than recovered.

I voiced occasionally the friction I felt between scheduling enough to keep people "together" and growing, without adding to their already crazy stupid over-committed lifestyles. I agree with cautioning families to prioritize and place church activities at least in the running, if not at the top of the list of possible passions, but also understand the need to be out and about, salting up the soccer fields & dance studios of the world. [As long as there is in fact some seasoning going on with the hours spent among the "worldly"...] It just felt sometimes like we were just cramming things on the planning board for the sake of having things on the planning board without enough thought given to any recovery time at all. I also wonder if it's easier to mask our imperfections if we keep things moving so quickly no one can take a closer look...

Still, if we lead by example, I was in that building 90% of my waking hours. If the loss of joy from being actively creating and leading corporate worship experiences could be measured, I would wager a guess it has nearly evened out the scales with the measure of joy I have given Kevin just being "here". It's tough to balance. I remember the varied responses shared by staff when an intern asked how to balance between "ministry" and basically, having a life. There were not only varied responses but they were passionately voiced from one end of the spectrum[prioritizing time with family and friends] to the other [qualifying that "work" can be energizing and people are wired differently so what is draining to one may be refueling to another...] It's hard in a staff format sometimes to not feel pressured to perform at equal amounts of energy expended. No one wants to look like a slacker...still I believe we need to make an effort to be still and "recover". That we need to help our families do the same. And that it's okay to stay home once in a while and not be at every event on the planet.

Tell that to my mother- of -three -13 -&- under sister who is just beginning to wade into the deep end of busy...I know it's easier said than done, but I have a daughter who needs that down time once in a while and I can see it in her eyes when she's been expending more than she's recovering. Makes a ton of sense to me. It also confirms that our periodic rubber band fights in the office were actually legitimate creative breaks that led to an outpouring of productive projects and a bit of deserved respite :)

words escape...

You have no idea how my Kevin ticks. He can be so animated at times and words simply escape me as I try to describe him with any justice at all. He just played his beloved bass for 10 minutes [w/headphones bless him] and had to stop because he was getting hot. Then he starts describing his 10 minutes of amazing licks and the intricacies of creating said licks, while at the same time making his mouth do all sorts of funny movements as he tried to mimic these Seinfeld-like sound bites he apparently had going on under those headphones. Then as quickly as he headed into that, he was off and running into multiple options for the removal of rain from our pool cover, complete with charade worthy body actions involving multiple wet-vac attachments, which he is presently employing just outside my blogging window.

As much as I'd just as soon kill him some days, he makes me smile like no one alive. He's a jewel.

fuel...on fire...

98 people there Thursday night. Rock on...

the winning ticket...

Emma had her first softball game last night at Maranatha. I walked there, since it's not that far from my house and purchased my $1 ticket for admission. I was immediately greeted by my two precious nephews who have recently stepped it up in the kung fu/wrestling dept. whenever I'm around. [I love it.] So I have barely walked into the park and Harrison shows me his ticket saying, "This is for my t-shirt." It was then I realized there was probably a drawing for a free t-shirt sometime during the game.

Throughout the popcorn munching [throwing], name calling [they can hold their own] and goofing around with a nephew on each side, Harrison kept pulling out his little ticket and saying to himself, "I wish they'd call my t-shirt." I thought this was way cute, and honestly, given it was a 14-15 division girl's game [although it did actually resemble baseball and our team was way ahead] and that it started to rain and most of us huddled underneath the awning of the concession stand, I just didn't see a single person besides Harrison anticipating the drawing.

So.

After he says it one more time, I brave the sprinkles and head to the counter to see how much the shirts were. $5 later, [after slyly asking Harrison what his number was] I had arranged to have his number selected. [I actually believe the drawings were over for the night as they announced, we have one more winning number tonight...]

Funny thing was, his little hands were wet from playing in the rain and he couldn't get his ticket out of his pocket. I could see a mix of panic and frustration settle in as he struggled to retrieve it, and then he shyly handed it to Veronica who proceeded to have him read his number... [you're killin' me here...] Anyway, up he went, claimed his smallest- size- we- could- find "Harry Phillips" memorial t-shirt and began showing it to anyone who wanted to see. He was a bit disappointed it would fit him like a dress, but I guess he can sleep in it. It was a nice end to my Friday evening.

I rock at this aunt stuff. And apparently I have a future in fraudulent raffles.

answered prayer...

• last weekend I got to briefly chat with Gil & Angie enough to know that you are giving them the delights of their hearts and going before them in visible ways- thank you...
• yesterday I read an email from Brian about renewed confidence and re-ignited passions that had flickered dangerously close to being ash- thank you...
• this morning I sipped a cup of coffee in my front yard with Pam and smiled at her confirmed peace about her job change and the pockets of ministry you are faithfully giving her- thank you...

Thank you Father, that in the midst of often complicated, discouraging, seemingly senseless circumstances you have an amazing ability to calm the storm, heal the pain, restore our fragile hearts and love us through to better tomorrows. Thank you for hearing my prayers. Thank you for tenderly holding these precious friends of mine until the storms have passed and the paths you have called them to follow are green with promise. Thank you for your grace and extravagant love and patience. Thank you for the process from there to here. It was not without significant cost, but the joy is sweet on the morrow...

*cue a chorus or two of "Good to Me" right where the echo part starts and sing it a time or two and let it build for another time or two and then let her fade back into one more chorus a cappella at the end...come on... sing!

For You are good, for You are good, for You are good to me.
For You are good, for You are good, for You are good to me...

fred flintstone strikes again...

Kevin Nobis is a funny guy. This once agile, slim legged, tennis champion, distance runner, brown belt, polo wearing, all around hottest bachelor in the Tri-State area just left our house wearing his new pair of sketcher sandals. Funny because he walked away lifting his feet like he was wearing giant flippers.

Crack. Me. Up.

And he's all mine...

me: mornin' dad. how we doin' today?
him: terrible.
me: really. [he always says terrible]
him: tired. sore. wore out. pooped. achy. hungry. tired...[I interrupt when he starts repeating himself]
me: is that all?

him: I didn't want to burden you.

that's some seriously funny stuff dad...

Love is Eternal...

Tomorrow is the 21st anniversary of the day I married my Kevin. In honor of that I'm going to post the first 21 things I think of when I think of him in no specific order:

1. The way he says out loud all the thoughts that run non-stop in his head-
2. The way he surveys our walls for cracks and smudges-
3. The way he uses his index finger to stroke his chin when he's talking-
4. The way he tries to say Blogojevich and butchers it every time-
5. The way he makes me laugh at stuff that wouldn't be all that funny to anyone else-
6. The way he worries about us-
7. The way he gets worked up over taxes and headlines-
8. The way he laughs out loud when he's watching tv after I've gone to bed-
9. The way he gets up at 5:30 every morning so he has time to watch Buffy-
10. The way he reminds us to watch out for the mailbox when we back out of the drive-
11. The way he runs when Abby comes after him-
12. The way he hates PC's-
13. The way he uses words that only sound like the one he really means to use-
14. The way he sounds when I hear him singing in the bathroom getting ready-
15. The way he saves his Sunday clothes for Monday morning-
16. The way he gets lost driving across town-
17. The way he freaks out with sudden changes to his environment-
18. The way he only drinks from a new carton of milk & refuses to share food-
19. The way he lays awake all night when it storms-
20. The way he keeps showing up night after night-
21. The way he makes me feel when I see him-

This man called me for piano lessons when I was in college. This man smelled amazing in the tiny practice rooms at Quincy College. This man never knew what hit him. I told my mom I would marry this man one day, and God bless him, he went along with it.

He gave me a rose for our very first Valentine's Day together. The card said, "Love is Eternal" because he's always liked that book about Lincoln. All these years later and he still signs his cards that way and still means it with all his heart. I'm not the easiest bride to be had, but he has always managed to love me and make me feel like I'm the best thing that ever happened to him. He tells me often how much he likes this life we have and he tells me I'm beautiful and smart. He gets annoyed with my spending habits and my know-it-all attitudes. He thinks I should worry more about property assessments and pick up my shoes when I take them off. He'll never understand how I can kiss a dog on the nose or watch Law and Order and not be annoyed by the bonking sound at the end of each scene and that's as okay as it can be. I'll never get how he can fall asleep mid-sentence, eat a meal without something to drink or watch Midway for the gazillionth time. I like being as different as night is from day and most days I love our little quirks and habits-mostly because they belong to "us". This "us" that before long will have outlasted our "him" and "her" from lives lived on our own. I love my Kevin and always will... eternally if God be willing.

Rome again...

This time Rome, Italy... not my dad. Just got off the phone with Erin! What a great surprise! She's having a wonderful time and doing really well, in spite of the heat and flooding showers. I'm just really excited for her to take this trip. What an experience. Can't wait to read her travel do's and don'ts or hear tales of the journey she's religiously writing down. Please remember this group from LCC in your prayers when you think of it...

He just called again.

Him: "What a beautiful day the Lord hath made...and she said?"
Me: "Ummm...Amen?"
Him: "No...let..."
Both: "us rejoice and be glad in it..."

Indeed.

Sit Ubu. Sit...

Have you ever tried to concentrate so hard on remembering a certain moment as it's happening that somewhere in the decision that this will one day be a wonderful memory you almost miss it altogether? That was a confusing sentence. Even I don't get what I'm trying to say...

Sunday night dad joined us for dinner, along with John, Sha, Sara & Neal. Sometimes when he isn't the only guest I feel like he gets "talked around" a lot...even when it's Veronica and her family...I notice sometimes we've spent an hour and I didn't really talk to him, he just sits and listens to the rest of us chatter on about everything but the kitchen sink. And sometimes even the sink. I wonder what he thinks of all that. If he'd rather be fishing or if it just reminds him that mom isn't next to him. Every once in a while we'll be talking and look around and he'll be gone. No hug, no goodbye, he just fades away, unwilling to interrupt the program already in progress.

Well, the other night after the meal, I went outside with him to give Abby some scraps. It was a nice evening and even though the table was waiting to be cleared and everything in my Martha spirit wanted to tidy up & entertain the others in the house, I had the good sense to grab a couple lawn chairs, "fetch" two cups of coffee and as my grandpa used to say, "sit a spell". Nearly two hours later I was really glad I did. It took that long for me to stop concentrating so hard on making it a memory and just "be". He stayed longer than he usually does and it was nice spending the evening in the front yard. And, it's true: the dishes did not in fact go anywhere while we were outside and as Martha re-inhabited my skin I knew I had chosen well.

Well enough, that yesterday, when he calls me with another "rejoice with me" at what a lovely day the Lord had made...I hurried my errands at Wal-Mart, grabbed two cups of coffee at the BK drive through and surprised him in his backyard for another memory in the making. He's quite proud of his garden, complete with flowering potato plants, and a nibble on the first pod of the season. There's something to this "Mary" thing. I didn't exactly sit at my father's feet, but taking the time to sit at his side has a nice feel to it all the same.