All one word with an E...
Yesterday evening on our way home from Wal-Mart Kevin informed me that his co-workers had compassionately reminded him that today was April 1st. As he was getting in bed last night he threatened to leave me if I even think about pranking him today. He even said something about making me get a full-time job. Seriously. A full-time job.
Anyone who understands Kevin knows that he worries about EVERYTHING. He can barely operate during a thunderstorm. And I’ve just resigned myself to the realization it is just going to get worse in the years to come. [If a tornado ever does suck the water from our pool and drop it on our house one day I will owe him a huge apology]
Well, I’m a big April Fool's Day fan. My mom always pulled the silly stuff on us. Rip in the pants, something on your teeth, your boyfriend called…sort of things. But I never dreamed in a million springs that I would marry this man who while brilliant in so many ways could be so flat out gullible in others.
I’ve done lots of stupid stuff- setting the clocks ahead, replacing his shower gel with Hershey syrup etc. but honestly with such little investment I found myself wanting...well more. [He did get pretty upset with me the year we bought our new house and he was concerned about the increased mortgage payments. Fell hard for the “loan officer” [my friend Pam] calling to tell him our payment was late. Took him 2 seconds to call me and 2 minutes of heated reprimand for him to hear me saying repeatedly “April Fools”! Even then he asked me how I got someone from the bank to call…I’m telling you he’s ripe for the picking…]
But last year is the real reason his co-workers gave him a heads up yesterday. Last year was quite possibly a personal best and for sure a personal favorite. Last year he didn’t speak to me for a week.
We had a new brick mailbox crafted in the fall. We opted to have our address engraved by a monument company which is where this all began.
There is an east and west end of our subdivision. When we moved here I noticed discrepancies in the spelling of our subdivision everywhere from mailboxes to street signs. I have gotten used to saying “Silverthorne…all one word with an E.” Well, some folks omit the E and I want it on there. It just looks… prettier. So we’re standing in the monument office and I’m confirming that it’s “all one word…with an E” and Kevin goes into this discussion in front of the guy about whether we should put that E on there or not…like we could get arrested or something. I remember standing there in as much sheer joy that this is my life partner, the cute little thing…as total disbelief I was hearing what I was hearing. We added the E and called it a day. He thought.
This was November and I go back to work and share this little story of my life with my friend Pam. We both agree it would be the perfect prank and we wait. We wait almost 6 months. Ever the efficient office support assistant she saves it in her outlook calendar. I would have completely forgot and still waited till most of the day had passed as it was but she calls her aunt [only a few years older than her with the same great sense of humor] who lives in Chicago. She agrees to call Kevin at work and claim to be from the city clerk’s office with an order to remove the E from our address.
Okay. This may or may not be funny to read but I am telling you this was THE funniest experience of my life hands down. Pam arranged to have it all on speakerphone so we could listen from work. [Church office mind you…] What I didn’t bargain for was the soon to realize convenience of being able to bleep certain words and phrases from a conversation. Kevin fell hard. Really, really hard. And it’s a very good thing Renee was a fellow prankster and recognized the unpredictability involved. He’s in commercial art and is always rushing from one job to the other so he didn’t have time to even think this through when he went to the phone. Otherwise he might have remembered what day it was, he might have noticed she called our township a “village” and he might have realized they couldn’t really fine him $250 if it wasn’t removed in thirty days. He was using some less than church friendly language and I wanted with all my heart to get him off the speakerphone but I was flat on the floor seriously thinking I was really going to pee my pants this time. He was just so mad. And Renee she just kept saying how she understood how upset he was but there were complaints from a neighbor and covenant agreements.
I know they talked for 10 minutes. It seemed like days. And it took him 20 minutes to finally call my cell phone. When he did he tried to tell me there was a contractor at our house removing our mailbox. He better leave this type of thing to the pros. I laughed. He didn’t. He had yelled so loudly on the phone and the moments following that his employees had gathered around to see what was going on. I even managed to get them discussing whether or not they could make us change the address…and then someone asked him if he remembered what day it was. I guess they all had a pretty good laugh and decided to help him turn the tables only I didn’t fall. But he fell hard enough for both of us. Hard enough that once he realized he had just reamed a total stranger and began to suffer the embarrassment that followed he didn’t speak to me for at least a week. The whole speakerphone in the church office part didn’t help…
So. Here I sit writing about what was quite possibly my best work ever and contemplating whether or not to give him the year off. He’s not having a great week. Shawna had a fender-bender last week, Kevin and I had one yesterday and our sizeable bbq grill blew over in the pool two nights ago, tearing the cover and denting the grill. And then there’s the whole full time job thing. We’ll just have to wait and see.
Anyone who understands Kevin knows that he worries about EVERYTHING. He can barely operate during a thunderstorm. And I’ve just resigned myself to the realization it is just going to get worse in the years to come. [If a tornado ever does suck the water from our pool and drop it on our house one day I will owe him a huge apology]
Well, I’m a big April Fool's Day fan. My mom always pulled the silly stuff on us. Rip in the pants, something on your teeth, your boyfriend called…sort of things. But I never dreamed in a million springs that I would marry this man who while brilliant in so many ways could be so flat out gullible in others.
I’ve done lots of stupid stuff- setting the clocks ahead, replacing his shower gel with Hershey syrup etc. but honestly with such little investment I found myself wanting...well more. [He did get pretty upset with me the year we bought our new house and he was concerned about the increased mortgage payments. Fell hard for the “loan officer” [my friend Pam] calling to tell him our payment was late. Took him 2 seconds to call me and 2 minutes of heated reprimand for him to hear me saying repeatedly “April Fools”! Even then he asked me how I got someone from the bank to call…I’m telling you he’s ripe for the picking…]
But last year is the real reason his co-workers gave him a heads up yesterday. Last year was quite possibly a personal best and for sure a personal favorite. Last year he didn’t speak to me for a week.
We had a new brick mailbox crafted in the fall. We opted to have our address engraved by a monument company which is where this all began.
There is an east and west end of our subdivision. When we moved here I noticed discrepancies in the spelling of our subdivision everywhere from mailboxes to street signs. I have gotten used to saying “Silverthorne…all one word with an E.” Well, some folks omit the E and I want it on there. It just looks… prettier. So we’re standing in the monument office and I’m confirming that it’s “all one word…with an E” and Kevin goes into this discussion in front of the guy about whether we should put that E on there or not…like we could get arrested or something. I remember standing there in as much sheer joy that this is my life partner, the cute little thing…as total disbelief I was hearing what I was hearing. We added the E and called it a day. He thought.
This was November and I go back to work and share this little story of my life with my friend Pam. We both agree it would be the perfect prank and we wait. We wait almost 6 months. Ever the efficient office support assistant she saves it in her outlook calendar. I would have completely forgot and still waited till most of the day had passed as it was but she calls her aunt [only a few years older than her with the same great sense of humor] who lives in Chicago. She agrees to call Kevin at work and claim to be from the city clerk’s office with an order to remove the E from our address.
Okay. This may or may not be funny to read but I am telling you this was THE funniest experience of my life hands down. Pam arranged to have it all on speakerphone so we could listen from work. [Church office mind you…] What I didn’t bargain for was the soon to realize convenience of being able to bleep certain words and phrases from a conversation. Kevin fell hard. Really, really hard. And it’s a very good thing Renee was a fellow prankster and recognized the unpredictability involved. He’s in commercial art and is always rushing from one job to the other so he didn’t have time to even think this through when he went to the phone. Otherwise he might have remembered what day it was, he might have noticed she called our township a “village” and he might have realized they couldn’t really fine him $250 if it wasn’t removed in thirty days. He was using some less than church friendly language and I wanted with all my heart to get him off the speakerphone but I was flat on the floor seriously thinking I was really going to pee my pants this time. He was just so mad. And Renee she just kept saying how she understood how upset he was but there were complaints from a neighbor and covenant agreements.
I know they talked for 10 minutes. It seemed like days. And it took him 20 minutes to finally call my cell phone. When he did he tried to tell me there was a contractor at our house removing our mailbox. He better leave this type of thing to the pros. I laughed. He didn’t. He had yelled so loudly on the phone and the moments following that his employees had gathered around to see what was going on. I even managed to get them discussing whether or not they could make us change the address…and then someone asked him if he remembered what day it was. I guess they all had a pretty good laugh and decided to help him turn the tables only I didn’t fall. But he fell hard enough for both of us. Hard enough that once he realized he had just reamed a total stranger and began to suffer the embarrassment that followed he didn’t speak to me for at least a week. The whole speakerphone in the church office part didn’t help…
So. Here I sit writing about what was quite possibly my best work ever and contemplating whether or not to give him the year off. He’s not having a great week. Shawna had a fender-bender last week, Kevin and I had one yesterday and our sizeable bbq grill blew over in the pool two nights ago, tearing the cover and denting the grill. And then there’s the whole full time job thing. We’ll just have to wait and see.
Sometimes one likes foolish people for their folly, better than wise people for their wisdom.
-- Elizabeth Gaskell
posted by ret at 7:44 AM
3 Comments:
did you resist or are you looking for a job????
Too close to pool season. Besides. The waiting killed him :)
One of my best memories...I laugh now just remembering you on the floor in your black capris beside my desk as we laughed so hard we cried. I'm sorry, Kevin, but it ROCKED! We are so dangerous together, Ret ;) Who do we prank next?!
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