tig...

She's still here. Part of me wanted to wake up and find her gone, the other part that set the alarm every other hour through the night was relieved to see her little rib cage still moving up and down. The vet said this could take a couple days. No way to know I guess.

Sha stayed home today from school. Call me a weak parent, call me soft...but this cat is really her oldest friend. They were inseparable until Sha's high school schedule picked up and she was gone more than home. Even then, Tig would always sleep with her at night, until recently when the jumps to our beds weren't doable for her aging body. That's when we got her a little heat pad and cushy bed to sleep in. [Kev's idea...how funny is that?]Anyway, the two of them are asleep on the sofa. As much as I'd like to be the one holding her when she goes, it would be fitting for it to be Shawna. I just snuck in and snapped a picture of them laying there. When Shawna sleeps she still looks like a little girl. Oh, the precious circle of life, huh?

I watched Sha's long slender fingers stroke Tig's tail before she fell asleep. If I had a dollar for every time she's done that through the years Kev could stay home. She would tell you how tired she gets of me asking her not to do it. This process yields shedded hair that she would repeatedly send floating into the air. Still, my little hair twirling daughter finds this routine a natural expression of her attachment to this cat and she will no doubt miss its comforting ritual.

She's apparently in no discomfort. She purrs a lot and drinks some water when we offer it. No appetite and when she tries to stand, she just moves in a circle until she freezes in place standing up. I don't think she can see and I don't think she really knows where she is. Except when we hold her. I can tell by the purr she knows exactly where she is. So I'll stay home again today and hold her like I did yesterday. And I'll try not to think about how silly I'll feel if Kevin sees me crying over that cat. If he's smart, he'll seriously err on the side of silence and avoid saying something unintentionally stupid and insensitive. That would include but not be limited to:

• "it's about time."
• "just put her in the trash...we are not putting a hole in yard"
• "when can we re-carpet the house?"
• "what's for dinner?"

I'm signing off. My turn to hold her...