deja vu...

This afternoon I rehearsed with the string quartet for the upcoming Farlow/Pittman wedding at MPCC. I agreed to arrange string parts for both the attendant processional and bridal march and was quite pleased with myself all said and done with how it sounded together today. [when skills lay dormant it's nice to know they remain apt when called into active duty]

I walked through a corridor that wasn't even there a few months ago and entered the worship center like it wasn't in any way, shape or form as odd as it really felt. I plopped my butt down on the familiar bench-complete with a permanent imprint of this same butt; set for life in the nap of the velvet cushion my aunt made for me years ago. Unless I'm mistaken, the piano has been tuned since last Saturday's wedding I played for but I'm not sure. I moved to the stage to explain the music to the quartet as Helga walked past the side door. She took a double take and came in to give me a hug. She thought it weird to see me there.

I'm going to be at this a long time. One day: my whole world wrapped up in what took place on that platform. Next day & all those after: searching for a mere slice of that purpose and passion.

Some days it feels like I've only been faking this recovery. Tonight I just don't know what I want. None of it actually seems real sometimes and the more I think I've found my way the more lost I think I am in all actuality.

All the chattering disappears and it scares me how very much of me is missing in the silence. At least tonight that's how it feels. Tomorrow is another day...and I'll be back on my game.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.