You know how it feels when you're mad at someone you can't live without and despite how much you love them, how much history you have together, how much you need them, you're just too stinkin' mad at them to talk to them? Well, that's me and God right now. I recognize my pitiful tantrum but equally recognize my need to get it out of my system before our inevitable reconciliation. With any grace He won't cue the white horse while I'm giving Him the silent treatment. Or trying to give Him the silent treatment. I'm a pray-er. And apparently more of the "unceasing" category than I even realized. I'm seriously tiring of stopping my thoughts mid-sentence unable to suppress the uttering of my spirit before it starts. Exceptions: Prayers for Sara and Max and the beginning of their life together; prayers for the Wand's as they grieve their loss and walk this valley; prayers for friends, family, etc. etc. etc. What I'm pissed about is that I feel like I invest so much heart and passion praying His will be done, praying His covering on others, on kingdom issues and feel like I don't bend His ear listening to my petty problems and I feel like I got the shaft yesterday. I feel like He just plain didn't pay attention. World peace...big one. Cancer, another doozie. But something as simple as a little 2 lb. puppy, well, I figured He could answer that one in His sleep, if He ever slept. With His eyes closed if He wasn't all-seeing. I feel like I called out the big guns on this one small petition and He just flat out ignored us. He had to see me flailing my arms in the air. He had to hear me begging him. I really wanted this puppy. Can't explain it really. Not a puppy. This one. And it's going to take me some time to work this through. I'm thinking maybe answered prayers are just God doing what He wants to do anyway, we just happen to ask for the same thing once in a while. We let Him slide on the others and smooth it over saying He answered with a no or a not yet. Truth is, I'm just tired of praying today. And scared not to, all at the same time.

Not looking for sympathy or cliches just venting. Happy New Year may have to wait until I'm past this...