GodStops

It is no secret that I have found myself walking a leg of this journey a bit differently than I had expected. That said, as the grief and loss subside I am finding that my faithful Father has planted my heart full of Spring surprises that one by one are popping up like the daffodils that tease me each morning in my front yard. If you're not apt to praise God for a bargain at Wal-Mart, these little surprises aren't going to seem like much. But for me, they are huge.

I've been tinkering with a song prompted by a recent sermon series. I say tinkering, because I can rarely finish these little songs of mine. I have a strong start, find a nice hook and then no double bar. Well I had this song in progress that actually ended up changing directions after a verse or two, that expresses the desire to believe that a God who parted the Red Sea for Moses could and would hold the waters back for me. I wasn't sure what to do with the chorus so out of my mouth came the words, " I want to believe. I need to believe. If I am ever gonna be the one Your Holy Spirit's calling me to be." Well, I had a melody locked down, but just wasn't content with the lyrics and got stuck. As I often do, I got bored and let it sit.

So yesterday morning, I'm at Bible study and via DVD, Beth Moore is passionately pleading with us to get our minds around the truth that faith and hope are connected and that the God of our theology has got to be the God of our reality. She just keeps hammering us to believe God and believe Him to be big. Then she says that He may have parted the waters for Moses, but He wants us to walk on water.

All of a sudden my chorus comes blasting into my head...I want to believe. I need to believe... It was just a cool moment for me. Like I was in the right place at the right time. Like Jupiter had aligned with Mars. A GodStop she calls them. A God thing.

Kim calls them dots. Sometimes we can't see them until we look back, and sometimes, like yesterday, we get to enjoy them as they leave their mark on the timeline of our lives. Maybe I'm just raw enough right now to be paying attention but I want God to be big. I want Him to show this heart of mine I have only just begun to know Him.

It's been a long time since I actively expected God to act in my life and it feels nice. If what she says is true, that God will always choose to perform a miracle within us over the one we’re asking for, then I know that’s what He’s been doing in me. I believe that’s what He’s been doing in a few of my friends as well. We didn’t get the miracle we were asking for. But He has certainly been parting a sea or two within us all. And if in His wisdom and great love for us it gets us one step closer to looking like Him, then I’m all for believing as He transforms us piece by broken piece.

I can do faith. I can do hope. I'm ready to believe...