conviction in aisle fifteen...

I ran into someone I had in choir for years and spent 15 minutes or so catching up on his part of the world and sharing mine. As he turned to go he commented that it was nice talking to me, that it was the longest conversation he'd ever had with me, citing my hectic schedule on Sundays and Wednesdays as the difficulty in doing so before. He in no way meant that as a criticism, more of a passing comment really, but boy it has stayed with me.

I noticed in Mustard Seed the other night that October is Ministry Appreciation Month. I even sent a few e-cards to folks to thank them for the sacrifice they make to be in full time ministry. A sacrifice I well remember. His comment yesterday makes me sad for the times I was so intent on doing ministry that apparently my worst fears are true: I ended up doing a job and missed ministry in the process. Hey it happens-and I know I did in fact manage to do some significant ministry along the way, and I also had lots of meaningful conversations and relationships with people in the process, but man I missed some folks. I missed being there for them when they needed me to listen or care, and sped past them in pursuit of time management wrapped as a tight rehearsal. I'm sorry for those times. I tried to breathe and "see" them, I really did, but I know I didn't see or hear them all, and He would have. He wouldn't have had the first significant conversation with someone in the middle of a grocery aisle after years of rehearsals and worship services just passing in the hall.

Ministry is hard. You get so wrapped up in it, all the beauty, all the flaws. All the dreams and passion. Always wanting to give Him everything, every minute, every meeting, every project, every event. One just feeds on the one before and the calendar fills in until you find yourself spinning a stack of plates that have more programs and deadlines on them than people and you wake up one morning wondering how it happened to you when you said it never would. And being the better part of a year on this side of the spinning dinnerware I can see it from a completely new perspective. Make no mistake, paid ministry is a dream come true. I'd do it again in a heartbeat. But don't believe for a second it's easy. It is a total sacrifice. Being called takes everything you are. There's no line drawn between ministry and the rest of your life, it's one and the same. That's why it comes dangerously close to destroying people when it ends badly. His name is worth it...just not sure it requires it. Not when we lose sight of those we were called to serve in the first place along the way.

All that to say, I blew it sometimes and if I've ever blown it with you, I'm sorry. And also to say, be sure and thank those around you in ministry. Hey, take them out for lunch. Then they'll have to talk to you :) And if you're in ministry, let me encourage you to do whatever it takes to find that balance. It's just flat out about people, ya know?

Blessings...