you may be getting a little too carried away with all things puppy if...

you've ever googled "earrings for dogs"-

you've ever smuggled yet another dog carrier into the house-

you've ever opted to have puppy time over people time-

you've ever contemplated a special trip to Hannibal with $4 gas for puppy treats-

you've ever noticed that a dog's anal canal expands when they bark-

you've ever considered being a stay-at-home for a dog-

guilty. and I cut the list short because she keeps jumping on my lap and giving me kisses...

I took my niece Emma to Hannibal yesterday. Veronica was out of town with Chandler for a trip to the zoo, Harrison had a school picnic and Emma had finals. It was a rainy day, a "Nisswa" day for those who understand, and I thought she might enjoy an unplanned day on the streets of Twain. I picked her up from school at 9:30 and the three of us (couldn't leave Mylie behind!)  hit 72 to Hannibal, MO. It ended up being a fun day...enough rain to quiet the pace but didn't hamper the activity. We strolled the streets and shops and Mylie and her hot-pink stroller kept us in one conversation after another most of the day. 

We found some cute things for Emma's upcoming birthday (16!) and lo and behold they had two amazing pet shops along the strip that I didn't know about! Needless to say Mylie scored in the bling dept. We also purchased some dog treats for her, baked that very morning. One, the size of a generous brownie was half-devoured before we returned home. I commented to Emma that feeding her that much chicken liver (the main ingredient) might give her gas. We laughed but since I had yet to experience any Shorkie flatulation I wasn't really expecting anything.

So.

After picking up Harrison from his last day of school, grabbing a few groceries and heading home it was just about time for Veronica to pick them up. After waving goodbye and getting settled inside, I decided I had a few minutes to play with Mylie before starting supper. (John and Sha joined us for ribs and corn-on-the-cob!)  Mylie was adorably wrestling with my hand as we played on the living room floor and standing there in front of me she emits this long toy-like squeak...almost like the air escaping from a small balloon and immediately turns her fuzzy little head in the direction of what I recognized as a fart. What had me laughing in spurts all evening long was the fact she thought it was a toy behind her, turns around and runs that direction in search of it!! Without a doubt, had I caught it all on video we would be rich. It was that funny. The sound was funny enough but her reaction....hilarious.

Anyhoo. It was a great day. I woke up with no plan for Hannibal or dinner with my babies but that's exactly what I got. Can't ask for more. Can't ask for more.

me: I was at the clinic for three hours today.

him: how much is that gonna cost me?

me: they ruled out blood clot, heart, stroke, tumor...

him: well, for that much money they had better've  found something good.

what?

him: hey. (waving and nodding his head in that man-to-man fashion.)

me: who'd you wave at?

him: the neighbor.

me: where?

him: there.

me: that's a grill. 

(okay, we actually argued it back and forth for a minute and we're talking maybe 30 feet away.)

him: huh. (chuckle, chuckle, chuckle...)

(then we walk the Mylie from the east side of the lawn to the west side and he says:)

him: hope she doesn't see that rabbit.

me: what rabbit.

him: down there.

me: that's a soccer ball Kevin and you're scaring me.

dinner chat...

me: this dizziness isn't going away. think I may need to run into the clinic tomorrow.

him: just make sure you take the car to lubepro first. you're leaking oil.

hold the padded cell...

I remarked at dinner the other night (which as a side note was nice: seems like forever since John and Shawna came over for supper...) that I had been trying to process some of my intense feelings for this puppy of mine. In honesty, probably trying to justify what might be perceived as fruitcake behavior; I am not loosing my mind. I am not loosing my mind. Still, the SIL teased that Shawna was feeling a bit discarded. Not unlike an only child negotiating laptime with a newborn sibling. I have been opting out of lunch frequently due to having Mylie with me at work, or wanting to give my WW routine a fighting chance. Either way, my attention (presence, conversations, affections...) have been missed. Aside from that observation I had been making some of my own which led to what I remarked at dinner the other night. And my conclusion of sorts:

I have absorbed an ample amount of loss over the last ten years or so. Two parents; Two parents-in-law and a cat. Then if not by literal death, certainly something processed with similar gravity; the loss of several close friends through unexpected moves as well as an entire faith community full of people I rarely see. I have lost footing, I have lost dreams. I have lost security and innocence. I have lost confidence and hope. There were of course pockets of recovery and rebound but not without cost. I have certainly tallied more than my share of blessing in that same stretch of road, and as an optimist and more importantly a believer, that's certainly where I have hung out, but man, it's been tough sometimes. Add to those the normal emotions of walking through the whole empty nest process (graduations, engagements, weddings, yada yada yada...) I have been a mess every other whenever. And then that puppy had to die. I stand and declare "I'm due!!!!" And Mylie simply hit the jackpot. It might have easily been a grandbaby I suppose, but this puppy claimed her "dot" on the timeline of my heart. 

I. Adore. Her. 

She has lightened my heart to a place it used to be, once upon a time, and I didn't even realize it had changed. She's apparently unlocked some hidden tower chamber in a castled heart I was unaware existed. And I'm ga-ga over the little furball. I can breathe more deeply, laugh harder and channel my maternal dotings without restraint. I even gander she's been cheaper than therapy. Shawna teased that we waited until she left to finally get the puppy she had always wanted to have, but being wired the way I am, I believe she's the exact dog I needed at just the right time...

Now I need to get ready and meet my number one baby to run some errands. But I'm bringing baby number two :)