dual action cleansing...

I can't dog Kev for being an infomercial junkie because of the dust that has comfortably settled on my turbo jam dvd upstairs, but this time the post-it note had the 800# of a colon cleansing product written on it and he followed it up with a conversation. I told him I have long been interested in the whole colon cleansing process spawned by a magazine advertisement I read over ten years ago. (The one with the graphically repulsive photos of alien-like parasites and tales of toilet bowl horror...) Occasionally I run an internet search and peruse the wealth of treatments, herbal and otherwise, that boast of weight loss and energy boosts. It was during one of these little phases of mine that led to the purchase of a super slimming herbal tea recommended for cleansing and detoxification that just happened to still be in the kitchen cabinet unopened due to my fear I wouldn't be able to leave the premises for days. So Kevin decides to try it and in true Kevin Nobis form I notice he's brewing his third cup. (in the same evening...) I abort the whistling kettle and caution him to first read the directions and then consider following them before we have an anaconda on the loose.

Next day I'm on my way home from work and he tells me over the phone he's having another round of "tea" apparently undaunted by heading to the gym as soon as I get home. I ask him about it in person en route to QU and we have the following conversation:

"So is it working?"

"I think so. I woke up in the greatest mood this morning...like maybe my system was cleaned out."

"Any problems at work?"

"Nope, not really. I looked at it real close. Did we eat something red and green?"

"Not that I can think of."

"Hmm. They said people can collect balls of fuzz in their intestines."

"Well, you're a giant fur ball waiting to happen..."

"They were nice and long. And firm."

"     "

"But I'm a little disappointed. I was expecting more to happen. Like, well, I always wondered what happened to that...."

"Like your missing navy sock?"

"Or my GI Joe from 2nd grade...or that lizard I lost in my old apartment..."

"Like you'd look in the mirror and that 'bump' between your chest and waist would have simply slipped out your derriere and  deposited itself behind you?"

"Yes. Like that."

"Permission to blog"

"Granted."

aww...

Meet Mylie. These pictures were taken three days ago. She's a little Shorkie and just a bit over four weeks old and........ she's going to be ours in March. Can't.Wait. She could be ours in February but we're going to wait a little longer to be sure her immunities are strong before we have to risk another round of parvo. She lives in Jenks, OK and will make the trip to our house with the breeder whose parents still live here in Quincy. Small world. Very small world. I'm still surprised at the loss we feel for Mallie...we only had her a short time after all, but we sure do miss the little squirt. Something ever happens to this one and you might as well cart me away :) Anyway, thought you might enjoy the anticipation of our new arrival as I keep you posted. Getting way, way excited. She weighed 1 lb, 1 oz when this was taken. Kevin photoshopped away the Dr. Pepper can that was next to her, but it was bigger than she is. Believe it or not, Kevin came up with her name. I found a website this afternoon that suggests it means "rising of the sun". After that heartbreaking mess over New Year's we're more than ready for a little sunshine...

getting all the worship out....

Overheard in the green room this morning: "We didn't sing enough for me to get all my worship out. Gonna be doing some screaming and dancing at home this afternoon..."

when the tough get going....the tough get going...

My Kevin. 

Freshly fed and showered, (burped and changed...) I can see him in the kitchen from my perch in the music room pulling his sweatshirt over his head. He isn't emitting sounds but I see his lips moving and face in full animation. I ask if he said something.

"Quiet. I'm addressing my fellow Americans...."

It's going to be a painfully long election process on Silverthorne...

Honoring Shawna's request to feast on Golden Corral's mac 'n cheese (a childhood fav and we no longer have a GC in Q-town...) we all drove to Hannibal last night for her early birthday dinner. After sharing way too many calories and laughs with each other we rolled ourselves toward our cars. Harrison beat Veronica to their driver's seat and we both laughed at his animated clowning. As Veronica headed that direction I said, "Blink and he'll really be old enough to drive." Without missing a beat I hear Chandler quip as he pointed to me, "Blink. You're OLD!"

I didn't recognize the number but answered anyway since I've dished my cell number out to so many different people, agencies and breeders of late. This breeder was responding to my recent email and began by asking about my area code. Turns out she's from Quincy. Turns out she graduated from QHS the same year I did (although we don't remember each other...) Turns out she was just here from Tulsa, OK to visit her parents over the holidays. She raises Shorkies and they look a lot like Mallie. Kevin isn't saying no exactly, although when he isn't running Shorkie searches online at work or laughing about something Mallie did in the brief time we had her, he's telling me we're done with dogs. Being the totally submissive type of gal I am, I told her I'd love to see some pics of her newest litter...just in case.  

So the pet store is baulking a bit over refunding my money. They'd give me a "replacement" but feel as if their liability ends with the closing of their cash drawer. Several self-initiated phone calls later they agree to my refund within 30 days allowing them time to secure another puppy from the same breeder and sell it. Since we're talking a chunk of change it's seems my best option. I stop in yesterday feeling up for the confrontation and though having a brave start succumb to tears as my questions are addressed. My head tells me that not only was this just a puppy, but it was also a puppy I had had for only 5 days. My heart remains collapsed at best. I breathe and resume, failing to recover the vet cost [another chunk of change] but am "assured" they are working with the breeder to see if something can be arranged. Did I mention that eight puppies died? Did I mention that although she still claims they were unaware Mallie was at risk, I have since learned that they vaccinated at least one of her siblings after we bought Mallie and never bothered to call us and tell us she were exposed to parvo? Behind me stood another victim in search of answers and compensation. Her puppy got the extra shot but still died so I'm not sure it would have helped in the end, we could have just had her tested 3 days sooner.

They are still selling puppies. Flies and all. I went into complete tunnel vision over this little dog. Once I picked her up I became an idiot. Now I'm a sniffling idiot who for the first day since this happened hasn't cried. I left the store (returning briefly to give my name and number to the girl behind me to the alarm of the owner) and spent the drive between the mall and the vet's office composing myself and hoisting up my big girl panties long enough to pay the bill. At the counter they hand me a snack-size baggie with her little collar inside. Okay, so much for the tearless streak today. This has simply reduced me to great sadness and melancholy. And anger. And pouting. And distraction. And resolve. I will get my money. I will get that girl's money and I will do the best I can to get them out of the puppy business. 

In the mean time, after fruitless hours of Internet searches for another Shorkie that looks like her, (and hearing Kevin confess to the same) I find my sorry self actually entertaining the brainless notion of returning to the same breeder for a healthy pup that looks like my baby. I'll have to wait a month or so to be sure the virus no longer lives among us no matter what I decide to do but I want another Mallie. Sooner than later.

january 4...praying God's Word day by day...beth moore

"MY GOD IS HUGE AND 

MY GOD IS ABLE. IF I DON'T GET 

WHAT I ASK HIM FOR, I KNOW I'LL 

GET SOMETHING BIGGER."

"You alone are the Lord. You made the 

heavens, even the highest heavens, and all their

starry host, the earth and all that is on it, the

seas and all that is in them. You give life to

everything, and the multitudes of heaven wor-

ship You (Neh. 9:6).

The earth is Yours, O Lord, and every-

thing in it-the world and all who live in it (Ps.

 24:1). For You are a great God, the great King

above all gods. In Your hands are the depths

of the earth, and the mountain peaks belong

to You. The sea is Yours, for You made it, and

Your hands formed the dry land (Ps. 95:3-5).

In Your hand is the life of every creature and

the breath of all mankind (Job 12:10)."

My Mallie...10.26.07-12.31.07

You know how it feels when you're mad at someone you can't live without and despite how much you love them, how much history you have together, how much you need them, you're just too stinkin' mad at them to talk to them? Well, that's me and God right now. I recognize my pitiful tantrum but equally recognize my need to get it out of my system before our inevitable reconciliation. With any grace He won't cue the white horse while I'm giving Him the silent treatment. Or trying to give Him the silent treatment. I'm a pray-er. And apparently more of the "unceasing" category than I even realized. I'm seriously tiring of stopping my thoughts mid-sentence unable to suppress the uttering of my spirit before it starts. Exceptions: Prayers for Sara and Max and the beginning of their life together; prayers for the Wand's as they grieve their loss and walk this valley; prayers for friends, family, etc. etc. etc. What I'm pissed about is that I feel like I invest so much heart and passion praying His will be done, praying His covering on others, on kingdom issues and feel like I don't bend His ear listening to my petty problems and I feel like I got the shaft yesterday. I feel like He just plain didn't pay attention. World peace...big one. Cancer, another doozie. But something as simple as a little 2 lb. puppy, well, I figured He could answer that one in His sleep, if He ever slept. With His eyes closed if He wasn't all-seeing. I feel like I called out the big guns on this one small petition and He just flat out ignored us. He had to see me flailing my arms in the air. He had to hear me begging him. I really wanted this puppy. Can't explain it really. Not a puppy. This one. And it's going to take me some time to work this through. I'm thinking maybe answered prayers are just God doing what He wants to do anyway, we just happen to ask for the same thing once in a while. We let Him slide on the others and smooth it over saying He answered with a no or a not yet. Truth is, I'm just tired of praying today. And scared not to, all at the same time.

Not looking for sympathy or cliches just venting. Happy New Year may have to wait until I'm past this...