truly, john mitchell...

I can get pretty misty eyed when I think of how my life has been blessed by Johnny. I just don't think there are that many mother & son-in-law relationships that even come close to ours. It's warped at times, I'll admit, but I wouldn't have it any other way. We have such a wonderful history and have had such a rich chance to develop our friendship in so many different layers over the years.

I don't remember too much about when he was really little. I was just out of college when he was born- dating Kev at the time and burning the wick at both ends with multiple part-time jobs, church & family stuff, but I remember having his cute little self in my youth choir, complete with round rimmed glasses and chubby cheeks. So. cute. Simply adorable.

I knew we'd have fun. I knew we'd make some fantastic music together for years to come. Countless hours of rehearsals spent fine tuning their harmonies and just flat out laughing our butts off. So much laughter. I never really thought about it, but I think we pretty much spent once or twice a week together for over ten years in either rehearsals or services. Not to mention the months of daily rehearsals for the SHINE phenomenon.

The thing is, I've never tired of the little poop. He never fails to light up my eyes when he walks into the room or make me laugh at his endless antics. I've been furious with him a time or two, I won't lie, but I'm telling you, this boy got under my skin a long time ago and stayed there.

Pam and I were blessed to have him in our D-group his senior year at CIY. I forget zillions of things but I'll never forget the morning we had to bless them one by one.

The leader packet suggested we use Romans 12:1 to speak a blessing to each student as they left the group. I honestly thought it was going to be awkward and lame but being the obedient servants we are, Pam and I decided to try it. We had several seniors in our group so it was a pretty cool thing to be able to speak the Word over them but when I saw John standing in front of me, I could barely get the words out. I really thought at the time, our journey would end. He was going to Truman and off to conquer the world, even though we had a pact to roll into eternity (me first of course) in a praise band together for all time. Or atleast until it was time to roll me away from the piano. But he stood there waiting for me to bless him. Tearfully, and with breaking voice I said: "Therefore, I urge you John, in view of God's mercy, to offer your body as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. I love you, John." I had given up all hope of him and Shawna ever getting together and really thought the ride was over.

I look back at that moment from this day and just can't believe the trip. I could sit and watch him dance all night long. I have a heart full of all our Higher Praise rehearsals and SHINE escapades. The percussion numbers and flashlight routines. All those weekends he drove home from either Truman or Central; all those Wednesday nights he did the same thing- just because he'd rather play those drums and worship for an hour or so than anything else he could have done. I remember all the times he camped out in the hallway outside my office catching up on his week, or perusing the latest percussion catalogs and suckering me into one more toy. Sunday mornings, three services, and another rehearsal and service Sunday nights for the teens. Not to mention all the WIP stuff. Great times. Watching him and Brian together. Seeing him interact with the guys in adult choir. He's just the type of kid who steals the show. Whose goofy and sometimes inappropriate sense of humor makes everyone want to be around him. Well, not everyone I guess. Had a few laughs over the guys that wanted to stuff him inside a bass drum somewhere so the girls in the group would consider their company for a change. But I see their point. Few can compete with the likes of John Mitchell.

I full out called him an idiot for dismissing the attentions of my baby girl and I remember the emails during his "awakening" period. But when he finally decided to test the waters of dating my little girl I knew he had thought it through. Several family vacations and van trips later we are here. I cherish this boy and always will. He captured my heart a long time ago and I have no defense. He can make me so mad sometimes I want to spit nails. But that smile of his can change the world. It has mine. And today, when I prayed for him, I thanked God for putting him in my life and for placing him there early on so we'd have such wonderful memories behind us. Then I thanked Him for the ones in the making. And I had to smile when I heard him say "got a second?" from his office next to mine, to see if I'd offer an opinion on his current project.

That God. Never in my wildest dreams.

I love you Johnny boy. You're a keeper. But you're so not getting my lap top...

insomnia sucks.

started "simply christian" tonight. like it so far, b.

gil & b both nailed the pick for shawn mcdonald. john loved it.

i like my new office colors. taupe, aqua/mint and red with splashes of chrome.

i need to start walking again.

our anniversary is friday.

i still miss my cat.

my diffuser smells amazing in my office.

my grandma's siblings were named alphabetically a-g.

my dad had 10 brothers and sisters. i have an only child.

my great aunt and uncle lived & died in a rented shack in kentucky.

i have a cousin doing time for shooting a guy in the procreation dept.

when i was little i used to wipe my boogers on the wall by my bed. alot.

my sister and i used to ride hippity-hop balls to school and back.

i used to have a pony. in town. he died on my 21st birthday.

our family used to ride bikes every night. in matching jackets.

my parents used to pay $1 for my weekly piano lessons.

my cousin, sister and i once choreographed "cherokee people" and thought we were cool.

my basement is full of unnecessary objects.

i don't like shrimp.

does ovaltine have caffeine?

my alarm goes off in five hours.

does pepcid ac cancel out tylenol pm?

insomnia sucks.

hillsong united we stand...

Dots.

• Ten years ago, give or take, a friend of mine handed me a couple Hillsong CD's and books to listen to. I remember the first week we used "Jesus, What A Beautiful Name" for morning worship. I remember it "changing my life". I believe it changed the life of the church. I remember using the word "anointed" to describe the power of the words and the ability for these songs to move me in the way they did. It was love at first sight.

• Three years ago, give or take, another friend of mine told me "their" congregation just didn't seem to take to the Hillsong stuff and by this time, I was using one Hillsong after another and loving it. John discovered "Hillsong United" and we started using some of the their edgier repertoire for our teens and even some for our morning worship.

• Currently, give or take a month or two, this same friend now shares the addiction and apparently "our" congregation as well. Looks like we're riding this wave all the way and only One knows where we'll end up next...

If you haven't got your feet wet yet you're missing out...this latest project is amazing...

longings...

But for the grace of God, I am nobody special. But for His love and mercy, I am just a hometown girl who has been abundantly blessed with precious family, true friends, and a priceless faith that was seamlessly passed on to me in such a way that I've always felt I guess, called. Called to do what, not always sure, but there has always been an awareness in me that I belonged to Him. That I was spoken for. We are all created with a longing for Him and I smile at the people in my life who have chosen to fill that longing with Him and who daily purpose to remove the parts of life that stubbornly occupy those remaining crevices. I am blessed by their faithful progress.

Part of my personal longing has always been to be surrounded by a community of sojourners who crave worship. Who thirst for times in His presence. Who hunger for ways to experience Him more fully, more powerfully. Who listen to His prompt to touch their knees and abandon their microphone in the middle of a song because His presence required it of them. Who aren't afraid to pray for His spirit to fall down and lead us into places we've never been before. Who won't rest until His Bride becomes a people of demonstrative worship.

I have found such a community. I have I believe, been called there. I have been cautious. I have lightly treaded. I have doubted, I suppose. It's time I let Him fill the vacancies and answer the call without fears of being hurt again, of being burned again. I heard Him ask me to trust Him yesterday. I heard Him ask me to taste and see. He is opening the storehouse and I don't want to be standing there with a stupid umbrella watching it fall on everybody else. Even as I write this I think, "but I've been here before...I've been wrong before...I've..." I keep thinking I should be out-of-my-skin excited about my new job, and have simply dismissed it by thinking it's just the adjustment of going back to work, of being a little insecure, of feeling guilty or something, but it's more than that.

Jerry said complacency can close us off from God's blessing, that it can catch up with us and harden our hearts, that it can enslave us until we don't know how to live in freedom anymore. I didn't think I was complacent but maybe I am. Maybe I've grown a little too comfortable camping out in this little corner of fear I've been protecting and it's time I turned things inside out and let Him open the windows and ventilate the place. To lose myself once again in the possibility that I am called and He isn't close to being finished with the renovation needed to completely answer. I want this. I have always wanted this.

This weekend was significant. I want to remember it and give Him glory. I believe I have found a home. I believe He is going to rock my world. I believe I'm ready to let Him...

b i & go...

We had a lovely BBQ at the Fey's house last night. An end-of-the-school-year/ memorial day type of festivity. The Fey's, John & Sha, Kev & me. Only dad was missing and I suspect the remaining "first time withouts" will all sting a bit...eventually I hope this subsides some. At any rate, after a tasty dinner, we sat outside and played Traveling Bingo, complete with numbered prizes and a glorious breeze. I had a great time competing with my son-in-law for the most bingos, and managed to steal some of his loot when the "traveling" part began. Needless to say, he fought back and it was an ugly, beautiful thing.

At one point in the game, Shawna claims "bingo!" and says she has four corners. Chandler's looking. John's looking. I'm looking...at both her cards and see nothing. We all ask "where?" She sweetly replies and points. I laughed for a really long time. John just kisses her arm and smiles.

Card number one: top left corner, bottom left corner.

Card number two: top right corner, bottom right corner.

And that's my girl.

I don't know what's worse: that I actually know the song "Whispering Hope" or that I had a copy of it in my piano bench. Saved me searching elsewhere though I guess. I need it for a funeral this morning and I've had it running through my head since yesterday...I'd feel old except a really good friend told me yesterday I will never be old. And he's a smart, gifted lad who would know something like that...

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Right. I would soooooooooooo read on...

nyquil...

The nighttime, sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, fever, sleep better to feel better medicine.

Kevin: Man. I feel so groggy. I just can't wake up. I've felt like this all day today. I tried to get up and move around but I just can't keep my eyes open...

[He stayed home today with a sore throat...]

Hey Kev? How many of these puppies have you had today?

Kevin: Why?

Well, buddy, you might just want to try switching to Day-Quil but that's completely up to you sweetheart...

fireflies, superheroes & beach balls...

Otherwise known as a great time. Otherwise known as family worship.

My legs haven't recovered from standing in one spot for nearly, I don't know, 14 hours or so this weekend, between rehearsals and services, but I tell you what: it was one amazing weekend. I had a great time. Played a couple painfully wrong chords in a couple places which left me longing for a hole in the floor, but good for the ego I suppose. Just sorry everyone else had to pay my price ;)

Amazing weekend services. Amazing message. Amazing friends & family. Amazing God.

Last night's family worship was just plain fun. I could get used to this.

Great way to begin a week. Hope all is well in your world. Mine has "new" written all over it...

I was just talking to my sister. She had a blue day yesterday. I had a blue moment yesterday. Hers was because she was driving dad's truck around town to mow his properties and other family properties, and had his dog snuggled up next to her like she used to do with dad. Makes for some melancholy thoughts.

Mine was briefly yesterday morning as I took time to sip a cup of real coffee on the steps of my front porch- envisioning dad's truck making a surprise trip to my driveway to drop off some treasure he knew I'd like. I could feel my heart lift as I recalled the joy these visits brought: I'd grab him a cup of coffee and we'd play with Abby in the front yard until he had to scoot, usually for lunch at some little diner or a fish that had his name on it. Then I saw him helping me bury my cat last fall, a week before he died, right there under the birch tree where Kevin told me not to bury her. And I felt the guilt set in as I played the whole...wonder if that exertion caused his heart attack...wonder if...wonder if. He was only here one more time after that, to drop off a bag of apples and some cider from the orchard. And he was in a hurry. Stink. So I grabbed my cup, headed inside and decided to abort the cry.

We talked this morning about staying busy. About how the week he died we had an unusually full weekend and week that followed; about how we headed into estate stuff and holidays. Into Israel and wedding. Into a new job. Into summer. Into every thing life asks of us and in the moments when our thoughts have half a minute to settle...it's there. Just waiting for us to remember how traumatic it all was. How badly it hurts down under there. How if we cave now, we'll go missing for a long time and we just can't go there. Not now. Maybe not ever. And I hope he understands. I hope he knows.

But the sun is out today. And my afternoon, evening and weekend are spoken for. Just stinks is all...

Can I bring something?

I am loving this new chapter :) Now I need to go get started on my feast for this evening. My baby and my new son are coming for dinner...

jealous am I... 

the beach... 

Shawna...dinner for two on the beach... 

John at the El Dorado Royale...

their "last" surprise... 

Mr. and Mrs. Mitchell...post honeymoon...
 

heaven...

With the wedding etc. I asked to have a few weekends off, as did John and Shawna naturally. Tonight was my first rehearsal in a month. It felt good. It felt really, really good to play tonight. And my heart is just so stinkin' full I'm not sure it's healthy. My son-in-law was to my right and he's my favorite drummer in the whole wide world. He's actually one of my favorite people in the whole wide world. Makes me smile to hear him play; to see the joy in his entire body as he finds a groove; to be blessed enough to be able to play together after all we've been through in the last couple years. And, there were moments tonight when it rocked. We have some gifted people. And by all appearances they have the hearts to match. What an amazing God. What an incredibly amazing...God.

this and that...

I've become my mother: I just drank a cup of instant coffee. [Qualifying comment: I only had instant coffee because of the mocha punch we made for the reception and I didn't realize I used the last of the beans...so back off...]

Called Shawna a few minutes ago to see if she was up and at 'em and to ask her something. She was doing dishes. Doing dishes. That's beautiful stuff...

I love my Back to Basics egg & muffin maker: That was my first mother's day present from Mr. & Mrs. Mitchell. It's way cool. And my soft boiled eggs were marvelous this morning.

The sun is finally out.

I have a new job. Starting soon.

Nothing else all that bloggable. Not like any of this was bloggable either but it's all I gots. And I'm assuming you read it :) I'm off to find 30 beach balls for Sunday night...

PS...someone is doing a walk through at dad's apt/shop this morning. Pray for the right offer and peace...

Can I have a banana?

I'd give her the world on a silver platter and she "asks" if she can have a banana. [She opted for mercy over permission when she took two new pairs of my sandals to Mexico with her last week and is yet to return them.] Both made me smile. Well, after I resolved myself to wearing a lesser pair of sandals yesterday...

transparency...

Not only am I always surprised at the blog traffic from posts like I made last week but this time I was surprised by the conversations and emails it has generated. So there's something to this being real stuff after all. Or at least being real with a bit more volume. The more I'm around people who are genuinely seeking to look like Him, people who are committed to being honest about their weakness, people who are more comfortable in their own skin than one they've pulled off a "look at me, I've got it all together" shelf somewhere...the more I'm excited about what God is up to around me these days.

Real. Has a nice feel to it...but I'd be lying if I didn't say a part of me wishes I hadn't put it out there for all to see...

and the winner is...

Most creative use of a response card: Received one final response card last week, all by its lonesome in the mailbox. Most of the text had been blacked out but he had used some of the phrases to create a note about what a special ceremony it was etc. Wasn't all that helpful in the head-count category...but it made me smile at the sentiment. And his ingenuity...

no place like home...

They are home. Aside from John requiring several bathrooms stops along the way...they are fine. Poor thing. I didn't really think it would feel so differently in my heart. But there is even more love for them in there now than there was a week ago. It has been less than a week and yet it seemed forever for them to make the drive from West Quincy to Pizza Hut to meet us. We are goons. The lot of us. Manners allowed me the first hug but only briefly. We were out of that place and on the parking lot before they hit the brakes. All of us. They are tan. They are precious. They are home.

Harrison's seventh birthday was a bit lost in the shuffle, but Veronica grabbed a cake and ice cream and we partied at the newlyweds abode. They checked out the new water heater (that sounds like a plane preparing for take off...but better than the old one...) noticed the delivery of my "old" washer/dryer and then John saw the back room. Chandler and I had moved their vintage barrel table and chairs out of the dining room while they were gone. Shawna didn't think much about it but John looked back at me. Attacked me. And ran to the dining room. Last and final surprise for a long while: a chocolate brown, counter table with seating for eight. Looks amazing in their front room. Even more so with family gathered around it eating birthday cake. And I'm done. Really done. I have a BBQ to host in their honor this evening, which I need to ready the house for, but after that I'll need to turn my attentions to other things...like starting a new job. Like maybe painting our walls something other than white. We'll have to see.

I do know it made me feel good to hear Shawna say she wanted to come home last night :) I know what she meant. She's only spent one night at her new address. Being in Mexico, away from home for the week, she was sensing a need to be home. To be surrounded with familiar things. It will take some time for her to make 1232 "home" but she will. He's there. And so are her dreams in the making...

Since their hot water heater is ancient and barely heats enough water to do a small load of dishes I decided to SURPRISE them and have a new one delivered while they are gone. For warranty purposes it is in their names of course. Since they have no land line phone, and John's cell phone is busted, I gave them Shawna's cell number for their records. Since John's is busted they took Shawna's to Mexico. Since Lowe's completely ignored the part about them being in Mexico and this was a SURPRISE...they call Shawna's phone yesterday. I got a text message from her last night saying "thank you" and the delivery would be between 9 & 10 this morning. Perfect. Just perfect.

But, by the time they arrive this evening they should have lots of hot water...

Anybody need a chocolate scented candle? How about a cute little box of truffles? These were all supposed to walk out the door with the attendees Saturday night and have ended up in stacks in my dining room. I've managed to give away two boxes of the little "dot" cakes we had left, with one box to go. Planning to use those for our BBQ Saturday night. But if you're in need of candles or truffles, I'm your gal. I also have a healthy collection of pink and brown tulle :)

I miss my baby. I'm trying to be good but it's a good thing they're home tomorrow. I have a few more surprises for them ;) Then I'm done. Right now, I'm off to meet Chandler at Mark Twain Cave for lunch. His class is touring Hannibal, MO for their 3rd grade trip. I met Emma's class in the same park 5 years ago. Guess we got ourselves a tradition :)

Hope your day surprises you in wonderful ways. Mine will bring me one step closer to hugging my tan little baby...

This is the place where I upload my favorite pics of the weekend. And I will. When they get back from Mexico with my camera. I sent it with them. [I had to smile when the ceremony began...I'm frantically trying to grab my camera and snap away and the focus was funky. I tried to quickly fix it and couldn't without missing everything in the process. I half wonder, well more than half wonder, if I was supposed to just "be" and forget living it on the other side of the lens. Regardless, I quit fooling with it and watched everything unfold.] It might just be me, but I'm telling you, I can't get that weekend out of my head. I see a circle of pink tulle kneeling on the floor of the bridal dressing room as the attendants all prayed/cried together on behalf of the bride and groom. I see the worship center as I walked back in moments before I was seated. I see the magical procession of all these friends in their lives, and the sobbing groom watching my baby walk toward their life together; all the special people who all played such meaningful roles in their ceremony, I see and feel it all. One lovely scene after another.

I was deleting old phone messages yesterday to clear up some memory space and realized half of them were from John. And John's many voices. I have loved this boy for a long time. I know exactly what she saw in him years and years ago. He's just the perfect fit. For her. For us. And I miss them both madly. If it's anything like the brochure, they may never come home :) [And no, I didn't delete them...]

The last couple years have been pretty wild. An emotional roller coaster for sure. One that barely seemed to level off before taking another stomach turning drop we didn't see coming. We are standing. Even doing a little dancing. But I hope He lets me catch my breath before starting her up again.

I'll post some pics this weekend. After we gather them home and watch them open their gifts. Can a heart love more?

I didn't wait. I popped out of the womb praising Jesus. My grandmother saw angels above my head when I was baptized. I religiously ended my bedtime prayers with the Dresden Amen. Didn't drink. Didn't smoke. Didn't swear. Didn't disrespect my parents and I didn't wait.

Our wedding was planned in three weeks. Shawna was in my arms 7 1/2 months later. I shopped for maternity clothes in Hannibal to avoid questions. I cried for months about disappointing my mother. I didn't wait. I was afraid I would lose the only man I wanted to spend my life with and didn't trust God to work out the details without my selfish interventions. 21 years later this same man, the one and only man I have given myself to, buried his head on my shoulder and wept. I wept. The sea of young people immediately responding to Jerry's challenge to sexual purity was more beautiful than I can explain. I knew he was going to use the roses from the wedding as an illustration during the sermon yesterday, but I hadn't a clue he was going to use them the way he did.

Jerry didn't know my story. He didn't know how I promised my mom I would do everything I could to be sure Shawna wouldn't echo my choices. He didn't know how many years I have carried this quietly. Nothing shouting so loudly in my ear His grace couldn't cover, just a silent fear that my impatience and weakness would give her the permission she would need to do the same. That's why I didn't question their desire to be married at 21 & 22 years of age. It seemed so young to Kevin and me, but they have dated four years. Four years. And they have waited. Shawna asked for a purity ring years ago and we gave her one for her 15th birthday. I remember the tears in her eyes when I told her it was a serious commitment and that it was one that might not be so easily kept in the years to come. Her tears weren't of the emotion of the moment, but of frustration with me for even entertaining the thought that she was incapable of making the promise. Six years later I watched many of her cousins, as well as John's, carry white roses down an aisle to place them on a table where they would kneel moments later celebrating not only their unity as a couple, not only their unity in Christ, but their unity in this gift they were able to bring to each other. In that moment, in that offering, I let out the remnant of guilt and fear I have been carrying for half of my life. I am redeemed by the blood of the Lamb and I know this. But the redemption I've been waiting for, the offering I was waiting to give my mother and God, was completed in this moment. Silly, maybe. But it has been a long time coming, this peace. This forgiveness. This joy.

I went a bit over the top on this wedding. It was more lovely than I ever imagined it to be. It surpassed every anticipation, every vision- and more than that, God hovered over and among us in touchable ways. It was heaven kissing earth. It was heaven rejoicing over the lives and testimony of these two wonderfully created children. I was full with joy. I wanted to applaud, to dance, to cheer. It called for a little dance in our underwear. And I had no idea at all that God was working in Jerry's heart to heal me. I had no idea He would prompt him to carry those two vases full of roses down the stairs and offer them to anyone who was willing to make that same pledge of purity before God and the congregation. I had no idea he would use John and Shawna's example to impact at least three dozen other people. The vases were emptied in a matter of minutes. Young men and women carried roses back to their seats. There were more people than roses and they began sharing petals with those who continued to come. It was a sacred moment. A moment calling for some stones to be gathered in remembrance. I had no idea God would do this. I had no idea He would make it all so beautiful. And I should have known. I should have known.

Shawna and John will be landing in Cancun within the hour with their private transit waiting to take them to the Riviera Maya. By now, they will have opened the brochure I wrapped up for them with my explanation of the surprise that awaits them written on each unfolding page. They are headed for a magical honeymoon. One a little more extravagant than the one they had anticipated. They deserve it. They really, really deserve it. Maybe I'm living vicariously through them. Maybe I'm just eternally grateful they did what I said and not what I did. Maybe I'm just a sucker for romantic surprises and am head over heels in love with them both. But it is a glorious day. And this mother of the bride had a whale of a weekend, with most of it stacked high all over the house. This page is turning and it was a great read all said and done. I am once again amazed at His goodness. At how much He loves me. Water into wine was a whopper but He royally outdid Himself this time...