sixth sense…

I often find that when one season blends into another I have flashes of my mom- her voice, her presence, her “knowing” me. Nostalgia I guess, just something about the year’s changing cycle that brings her near. Near enough to reach for the phone, near enough to settle for a “chat” when no one is looking. And today we chatted about my cat and how much I’m going to miss her, about how I keep hearing her call for me from the laundry room like she would do every time she heard my voice or footsteps, and about how I keep thinking it’s time to get her something to eat or drink. How it felt when she’d reach her little paw under my chin and purr when I held her, and how I held her a lot these last few months. And I told her of the poem dad wrote about Tig, and how my stupid-blubbering-self couldn’t finish reading it out loud after we carefully replaced the sod over the grave dad helped me dig this afternoon in the front yard. It was a nice chat. And it will have to do until another comes along...

tcfw…

“My lips are bumping together.”

Chandler to Veronica this morning as she coaxed him out from under his warm covers into the chilly autumn air.

Too. Cute. For. Words.

tig...

Thought I'd post the good news first about John's new job but Tig died this morning while I was at church. Silly thing. Knew it was coming but still stings a little bit. Actually, stings a lot. I sure loved my cat. But it's all good. Nine lives well lived. All said and done, couldn't ask for more.

and the winner is...

Dane. Sort of. And it isn't the cabby thing. Kev falls asleep at the wheel and doesn't know his way around Quincy very well so that wouldn't be good on many levels.

The Crossing did indeed approach John about the possibility of training him as an additional video/tech person. They were interviewing someone with the whole nine yards but really felt like John's heart and potential was something they'd be willing to invest in. He starts on Monday and I'm just busting with the sheer unexpected blessing of the whole thing. I have a vested interest I confess but it's way more than the fact he'll actually have a full-time job with benefits. His crazy blue eyes are just dancing in anticipation of being involved in such amazing projects with such amazing people. He has already developed close friendships with a couple guys on staff. I know he'll be a great fit. I'm beside myself realizing the future husband of my precious little girl, the father of my future grandchildren, will be saturated with the vision, dreams, integrity and faith of the Spirit led staff he will be joining. I'm a nerd that way: I've been watching to see who God places in their lives over the last gazillion years. In the recent past a couple significant relationships have transitioned into long distance friendships, and I've prayed for God to add to those relationships with godly people involved on a daily basis in their lives; to further nurture the seeds that continue to grow and mature. Yes, I'm also well aware he could get burned beyond belief as I know firsthand can happen. But this has too much God all over it to run the other way- this cries out to be embraced and celebrated.

This is just great in so many ways. We were a little worried about our two week trip to Israel in the spring and having their honeymoon right after that...not sure a new employer would give him the time to go. Not a problem. In fact, he can video the whole thing ;) Just a great, great thing it is, and so unexpected. Like a special gift just because. Like He really is in control after all and it will all be more than okay.

So bring on the fog machines and fire up the lights. We're just getting started.

:)

As soon as I get permission to blog blab about this, I'm gonna. Suffice it to say that something incredibly, unbelievably, remarkably, significantly, randomly, unexpectedly, wonderfully amazing happened in the last couple days and I'm beside myself wanting to tell. No, I didn't find a job and I'm not pregnant, as my father sadistically teased me. Has nothing to do with me other than the potential to bless the socks off some pretty special people of mine. Oh. My. Goodness. Lovely, lovely development this side of the river. Simply lovely. God is always good, but this time... this time He just outdid himself. Like a present just because.

You'll know soon. Promise. Oh, I wish I could tell...

needle point, anyone?...

I promise not to journal about our day-to-day weight loss, but I must tell you of our first week.

We had too much going on Saturday to make the meeting as scheduled, so Kevin and I trekked across town in the rain last night to the Monday session. After purchasing a stack of WW cookbooks we found our place in line. So glad Kevin and I are doing this together. Much easier. Anyway, he went behind the screen first and I hear her say, "Good job, Kevin! You had a great first week." He beams and says he lost 5.4 lbs. I knew he would. He took to this whole thing immediately and in our similar "buddy" diet experiences he always loses way faster than me. Expected. I congratulate him and step into place, worried a little that our trip to Jeff City and not being able to find WW friendly places to eat might take its toll. Not all that great at math, but I'm quickly trying to do the numbers and realize that my competitive spirit would be unexpectedly quenched this evening: 7 lbs. I was stunned. I managed to find my seat beside him, inform him of my progress [a.k.a. win] and resist the urge to jump and holler, knowing full well I may need to draw from that well of success for the weeks to come...

He kept looking at me and we laughed about our foolish tendencies. I was so proud of him. He was proud of me. We sat through the meeting's "devo" on how to reframe our eating habits and noticed our reason for eating, late night or otherwise, never made it to the board: because it TASTES good. I don't eat when I'm angry, I clean. I don't eat when I'm stressed, I make people miserable. I don't eat when I'm celebrating, I......shop. I eat because it tastes good. They suggested various alternatives for replacing these urges: knitting, exercise, cleaning, painting, phoning a friend...all quite helpful.

We walked to the car discussing how we're just going to rock at this and how much we're looking forward to being a little closer to who we were once upon a time and Kevin says: "I still think it's because my shoes are wet. I should have changed shoes." Man, this guy makes me laugh. Whole new perspective on water retention. We headed to the Bee's for a WW dinner and talked about little else than our poundage. Later last night, as we placed the first of John's LOST season one in the player, Kevin waltzed past me sarcastically suggesting we pass on the baked Doritos’s and salsa [in point controlled portion] and opt instead for some rousing embroidery or home maintenance to keep our hands busy. We're mocking now. Give us time, we'll eat paper...but for now, we seem to be off to a nice start.

untrimmed lamps...

fuel is praying round the clock for the community this week. Everyone who wanted to signed up for shifts. Guess who thought 1:00 & 2:00 am Saturday, meant last night. Yup. Shawna and John. Looks like there was a two hour slot the night before that went uncovered. Thankful God already knew.

mannequin heads stand ready...

Shawna has her final boards at 8:00 Monday morning in Jefferson City. It's a four hour practical, hands on test. Pray she remembers to pack everything and remembers everything she is supposed to do. We leave this afternoon...I'll be back Monday night, so feel free to loot my house...it could use a good cleaning. Gotta go, Breathe is next...

lol...

I just told my sister I was sitting in my den, [I opted this morning to worship in my own little world instead of corporately...thus the CD session...] anyway, I told her I was really enjoying my "Hungry" CD and although she agreed with me about it being one of our all-time favs, she suggested that given we are all now presently on the weight watcher plan, the Vineyard solo project of Kathryn Scott might have been a better choice: "Satisfy".

Now that was funny.

hungry...

Haven't listened to my Hungry cd in a very long time. It's awesome to the core. Make Your Home In Me...is just like my heart singing...and the only time Child of God makes me cry more is when my baby sings it when I play for her. Goodness what a prayer. Dust it off and give it a spin...gracious, what a Father we have...

I just finished holding Tig in my arms and gently coaxing her to eat a little food and some milk. [I know...milk. But she loves it and at this point who am I to deny the poor little thing.] Anyway, as I was holding her, thoughts were still floating through my mind from the evening's activities. This evening was spent in the company of good friends, recently forming a Life Group committed to the six week video study of "The Life You've Always Wanted". I read the book a few years ago and parts of it still mean a lot to me, so along with the benefit of actually forming a Bible study group with these friends instead of merely meaning to, I thought the group discussion of such a good book would and could actually change our lives. Or that's what I'm hoping.

So as I was holding my little cat, who, when she isn't sleeping, has returned to the behavior of mindlessly walking in circles and whimpering off and on until one of us picks her up and lays her down, this is what I thought: She isn't herself, or who she was created to be. She is helpless right now to fix it. She probably isn't even able to recognize that we intercede in her weakness. She just knows something isn't quite right with her world. In efforts to fix it by herself, she is only able to walk in circles and gets absolutely nowhere until she just falls over and falls asleep. Her only sustenance is received when one of us picks her up from her helpless estate and sticks her little nose in the milk until she realizes what's in front of her failing eyes. As I was holding her tonight, I smiled when she actually ate the food from the spoon I held in front of her, because I knew it might make the difference between her life and death. I knew she couldn't find the food on her own and that she might not even realize she needed it and will starve without it. She's so weak I'm not sure she knows she's even hungry, but I know. I know if I can just get her to take that first bite, she might just remember what it was like to be hungry, to be thirsty, to be well.

And I thought that to a soul that might have forgotten what it was like to be hungry and thirsty for the Living Word; to a heart that might be weak and ailing from disappointment or disillusionment; to a mind that might have lost it's desire to be filled with more than this world has to offer or a life that has simply gotten sucked into a vicious set of circles... well, maybe that's what it's like to be held in the arms of God as He "sticks" our noses into this manna that gives life only He can give, and living water that only satisfies and He smiles when He sees us eat and drink, knowing it will make the difference between life and death.

So here's to being hungry and thirsty. Here's to being whole. Here's to finding this life we want more than anything...and finding it together. I love you all.

visit to narnia...

OK. I'm a 40 something and I had never read the chronicles. I spent my youth with my nose submerged in Harlequins and they were never required reading for school so there have you. While on vacation I picked up the set during a trip to Target and began reading them in our modest cabin by the lake. I just finished the last one the other day and wanted to share my two favorite quotes. [There were several, but these I happened to remember.]

"Aslan, Aslan. Dear Aslan," sobbed Lucy. "At last." The great beast rolled over on his side so that Lucy fell, half sitting and half lying between his front paws. He bent forward and just touched her nose with his tongue. His warm breath came all round her. She gazed up into the large wise face. "Welcome, child," he said. "Aslan," said Lucy, "you're bigger." "that is because you are older, little one," answered he. "Not because you are?" "I am not. But every year you grow, you will find me bigger." - Prince Caspian Book 4

"I don't think it would be respectful to the Great Lion, to Aslan himself, if an ass like me went about dressed up in a lion-skin,"- The Last Battle Book 7

I hope the first quote will be as true for me in my silver years as it is now; the second will resonate every time I even think about stealing His glory...

John always says Shawna has no concept of time. He is correct. I know this, because she learned it from me. Her test was at noon today at the airport in Jacksonville. She was to be there at 11:30 to register. I figured if we left at 10:30 we'd be good to go. Well, we left a little after 10:30 and at 11:30, even going 75 we had a ways to go. I wanted her to call and tell them we were running late. I wanted to know if she would still be able to take the test. She didn't seemed concerned. She had directions and was confident we'd make it.

Guessed at which of the three exits I should take. Pushed the speed limit. Argued about whose fault it was. Saw airport sign one. Turned right. Followed semi at a crawl through the local colleges. Saw airport sign two. Turned...I don't know. She didn't write that part down. We turned right again. An airport can't be in the middle of town, right? In the middle of my growing frustration I pull over to ask someone for directions. At this point we seemed to have found our way into the middle of absolutely nowhere. He confirms we're close. I have her call to see if she can still take the test, as it is now noon and we as yet still have no visual on the airport. No big deal they say. We finally see the sign for the airport. An airport smaller than the one we have. I rush her to the door and drop her off to park the car. There were at most 5 cars on the lot. To whom they belonged, I've no clue. There was one young man inside leading Shawna to a room in the back of a very tiny terminal. He walked back out and returned to his cubicle. It was just the three of us. For this I hurried.

She finished the test in 45 of the allotted 90 minutes and passed. Round one complete. Round two on Monday. We're staying in the same hotel where the test is given so surely...

morning commute...

Traffic is finally moving. For crap sake. Must be the change in diet. Picture being stopped at an intersection for the better part of a week, not being able to get your car started or moved out of the way. Hearing traffic behind you impatiently piling up and not being able to go anywhere and knowing you're completely blocking the only thoroughway. The angry horns honk, the irate arms wail out the windows. You imagine the conversations held in your honor and your face is flushed and beaded with perspiration. "What's the problem?" "Why aren't we moving?" "What's the hold up?" "Can you see what's going on?" "Hey, don't honk at me, it's the guy down front!" "Whoa. Look at the line behind us!" "Hey, I so don't have time for this!" "Mom, we want to go swimming!! Are we there yet?" "Get that miserable piece of crap out of the way."

Finally. Just in time for weigh in...

just in case...

...you're dying to know:

• My cat is still among the living. Not rebounding as I'd like, but here. I know you were worried.
• My Bible study this morning went pretty well. Realized I've come full circle as I introduced myself as their group leader for this session and whispered a silent thank you for the absence of fear and sadness.
• My diet seems to be going well. I'm really ready to do this.
• My heart has caught up with my head and its decision to alter my journey. I feel a big difference. Apparently I'll be losing weight emotionally as well as physically.
• My God has been teaching me a lot about who I am; the good, the bad and the precious are His thoughts of me.
• My friend Gil has a cool post right now. You should check it out. I've read it twice. The link's over there --->
• My life is full out busy right now and I can't make heads or tails of it all. I mean, I use to work. A lot. How in the world...
• My summer stuff will be hitting the basement shelves by week's end and the pumpkins are in the wings.
• My daughter and I go to Jacksonville in the morning for her boards. We head to Jeff City on Sunday for her practicals.
• My mind is racing with bits of God's activity, similar to the electricity in the air most of the day yesterday and well into the night. Not sure what it means but I think it's something amazing.
• My calendar for October includes 6, count them, 6 weddings to play for. What was I thinking.
• My chance to sub for my favorite choir director in the whole wide world at QHS is this Friday and I don't mind saying I'm a little nervous.
• My foot has gone to sleep and the rest of me is soon to follow.
  
  Sweet dreams...

A Garden Gone...

Behold, did I not prophesy, in those many days gone past,
That the apples on my apple tree would surely never last.
Now thanks to the squirrels etc., the apples are all gone,
What’s left lay chewed and rotting, and scattered on the lawn.
The corn burned up in the garden, it was most of the garden plot,
Lord, why didn’t you send some showers, when it was so doggone hot?
The taters didn’t do much; the peas did pretty good,
The tomatoes didn’t do too well, I thought for sure they would,
I can’t believe it’s over; I pulled it all today,
I loaded my whole garden, and hauled it all away.
I’m gonna miss sittin’ in the shade, watching it all grow,
Now before you know it, it’ll be covered up with snow.
Oh, well there’s always next year, like the Cubby fans all say,
If I make it through the winter, please help me Lord, I pray.
And though the garden didn’t do much, this year 2005,
I don’t mind telling all you folks, it’s great to be alive.
Now anyone who know me, knows I still have a mission.
I’d like to ask a question, can you spend too much time fishin’?
I didn’t really think so, just wanted you to know,
If you call and get my message machine, you’ll know I had to go.
And so I’d like you all to know, each fishing trip I take,
I’ll say a little prayer for you, with every cast I make.
I’ve already spent too much time, sitting here at home,
Trying to tell a story, in a silly little poem.
And for all of you who haven’t guessed, who the “I” might be,
I’ll close for now, good health, God bless,

‘Love and stuff’
from
“Poppa G”

Rome ‘Poppa G’ Greving

Your Bass-ic Observation!

My dad stopped by this morning and had me type a couple of his latest poems. Enjoy.

This big old bass was no one’s fool
He laid on the bottom where it was cool.
There’s a splash above and oh, my dear,
Look at this night crawler hangin’ here.
This could be trouble I’ve no doubt,
Y’all wait here, I’ll check this out.
There’s the worm, the leader and there’s the cork,
And yep, there’s the rod and there’s old dork.
He keeps coming, don’t know when to quit,
He must think I’m as dumb as owl s***.
He’s fishing deep though the water’s hazy,
You bluegill keep nibblin’ it’ll drive him crazy.
The flies are buggin’ him, he’s starting to squirm,
He’s probably down to his last worm.
Just as I thought, he’s getting drastic,
Here comes the one that’s made of plastic.
I’ll admit it looks good just wiggling by,
Whoops, he almost fooled that little guy.
He sits on that bucket and refuses to leave,
Over and over, just cast and retrieve.
Every cast he makes, he makes a wish,
I suppose he deserves to catch a good fish.
I guess I could grab it and give him a thrill,
He’ll just throw me back, at least I hope he will.
This hook kinda smarts, but I’ll make a run,
He’s up on his feet, he’s really having fun.
Time for me to surface and jump and shake,
I’m well aware of the pleasure that will make.
About time to let him start reeling me in,
I’ll let him believe that I couldn’t win.
One last pull, then I’m on the bank,
He’s had fun and has me to thank.
He reaches down, and grabs me by the jaw,
Says I’m the nicest fish he ever saw.
Well now, that kinda gets me, right to the heart,
He’s really pretty ugly, but he’s a nice old fart.
I must be kinda special, all the pictures he took.
He said, ‘I’m sorry if I hurt you, removing the hook.’
I’m thinking this is about all I can take,
Frankly, I’m ready to go back in the lake.
Bless his heart, he didn’t toss me, like some guys might,
Laid me gently in the water, said he hoped I was all right.
Bet you thought you’d never, ever hear me say,
I’m glad I got hooked; I made an old man’s day.

-Big Billy Bass

2t ot mpn...

Snuck on me as well. Tonight is our second Tuesday of the month praise night. Anyone who wants to come, come. Anyone who doesn't, don't. Diorusso. 7-8:30. I do hope Linda Johnson can make it.

mind your own cart...

Is it just me or does it annoy anyone else when you run into someone at the grocery store and they just have to comment on what or how much is in your cart? I've noticed this before and actually have noted a feeling of uneasiness when stopping to talk to someone, cart to cart. Like, I actually try to keep my eyes from perusing their can goods out of courtesy. It's oddly hilarious to me. Maybe it's just me but I am curious. Or maybe I'm just fat. [This heightens the paranoia of getting caught with chips and dip in the cart instead of carrots and wheat germ.] I just think it's personal. We are what we eat or something and I don't like having people in my bidnez. You pickin' up what I'm throwin' down? [Brian taught me that.] Today I was actually walking to my car with a cart full of weight watcher crap and still they stick their head over the multiple bags and crack some joke about how much food I bought. Just idle chit chat I guess. Like the weather got the night off. It actually happens at Wal-Mart too and if I'm lucky it's when they have a nice little sale on feminine products. Oh well. Look away I guess.

As I'm writing this my little inner voice reminded me of seeing Ginny in the store once and giving her a hard time about the donuts she had in her cart. Guess I'm not only fat but a hypocrite as well :)

return to skinny me...

We did it. Got our little black pouches just full to the brim with nearly every calorie known to man listed in degrees of don't eat that. But Kevin and I are in this together and so far so good. Wasn't too bad all said and done and the end result will be mahvelous to be sure. I'm just thinking this will be a great thing for both of us in many ways. So it's a start. Check with me mid-week and see if I've the same optimism... My Tigger had another spell overnight. She's limp and weak. I had to leave her all alone today but she's still here, just not able to walk and when she tries she just falls down where she is. Found her this morning with her little face in her water bowl, hunkered over. Ah. Hopefully, she'll bounce back again until one of these episodes is just too much for the little tyke. I played. And I wasn't nervous...at all. Huge hugs for the prayers. I was a little overwhelmed with the number of songs we crammed into the rehearsal and didn't feel completely comfortable, but it went well. Actually, it was a really awesome worship time Neal put together for us to enjoy and experience, so I had a great time. Should scoot here soon and get some sleep. First Sunday in FOREVER I've had to be up with the birds. Or at least the late risers of the fowl kingdom. Tell me how we did this before??? Have a glorious Sunday and remember the youngin's have their SHOUTfest audition tomorrow afternoon at 3:00. I heard the two they've decided to use this morning and they are really good...really, really good. Depends what they're looking for I guess. My baby doesn't get to use her pipes but she wails on her violin. Nighty nite. Gonna go dream of an ice cream sundae...

more trouble than it's worth...

This afternoon I picked my nephews up from school. After they buckled themselves in I slowly, very slowly [there are $350 fines these days for school zone speeding...] headed down Jefferson to take them home. Since I was going at a crawl I had plenty of time to observe a young mother try to orchestrate the departure of her 3 children on what probably began as a wonderful idea but in my estimation had quickly descended into a rather hellish "event". She had a preschooler on a tricycle, complete with helmet, screaming at the top of her little lungs and refusing to release her death grip on the handlebars of her older sister's bicycle. The mother was using one hand to forcefully separate the two while keeping her other hand on the handle of a stroller occupied by a toddler. Mind you, it was like 150 degrees outside at 3:10 pm today and as the heat was getting to me, I can only imagine how it must have been getting to her, especially since she, by gifts of my deductive reasoning abilities, must have already walked to school to meet her daughter in the first place. All I could think when I drove past was that it had to be a lot more trouble than it was worth. I also managed a smile at the possibility that my Father has repeatedly created little adventures for me to enjoy and by reasons I'll never know, I invariably end up making what should have been a simple "bike ride" intended to bring me pleasure, turn into a hellish "event" and I wondered if He shakes his head and thinks me more trouble than I'm worth. Trust me, He's more than entitled. Thankfully, He keeps trying and once I let go and follow, we sail down the side walk whistling grace in the making. I prayed for her as I watched her jog to catch up with the "screamer" whose pedals outpaced her sandaled feet on the downhill slope ahead of her and remembered my mom on the very same sidewalk many moons ago, waiting to give us a ride across town on our beloved pony. And yes, she had walked him across town to do so. And yes, it was worth the trouble.

9 months and then some...

A lot can happen in nine months: I had Shawna. A basic school year. A sabbatical. And then some. This weekend I'm carting my Korg across town and playing it for our worship services. All four of them. That is yet to settle in, make no mistake, but mixed in with the anticipated nerves is the realization that it has been a long time. Nine months almost exactly. Not expecting it to change anybody's life but mine. But I believe it will indeed, change my life. Atleast it will zap it into motion with familiar rhythms and splash a little promise of joys to come where there has been a long dry spell. I'm ready. Yes. I. am. And two of my favorite people in the whole wide world are playing with me: that daughter of mine and her studly drummer. So, if you happen to find yourself with a free second or two that hasn't been claimed by a more significant request, whisper a thank you to our God of wonders for giving this back to me and a quick supplication for His spirit to calm my racing heart and nervous fingers. Would be much appreciated. Kevin and I also commit to Weight Watchers in the morning. A lot can indeed happen in nine months and in the ones to come, it requires not a small amount of discipline. In preparation I ate greek, italian, and just about anything else I could wrap my fingers around this week. And the countdown begins... PS...Shawna, John and Neal audition for the SHOUTfest on Sunday afternoon at 3:00. If you're in the area and free, come cheer them on, and if not, a prayer or two for them to have a great time and bless all listening hearts and ears would be a nice thing to do. They're doing three new songs Neal has written. Should. Be. Cool. PSS...my video card went kaputz on my computer so that's why I haven't been updating of late. This lap top of Shawna's takes me forever to post...

what I know for sure...

• that my blog gets hundreds more hits when I write about things people wish I'd stop writing about
• that my nerves are alive and well...especially when playing/singing for the first wedding ever of a Nobis nephew or niece especially after a 9 month 'sabbatical'
• that Tommy and Whitney make a perfect couple
• that the recurring theme of self-absorption is getting through layer by stubborn layer
• that I will be fat in May if I don't do something now
• that the new addition to the church I don't write about anymore is really nice and huge
• that I love all my nieces and nephews. a lot.
• that I love my little girl and my son to be even more.
• that it was really good to see Tyler, Jennie, Sara, Gil, Angie [happy birthday!], Ryan, Matt, Edwin, Erin & Becca Boo over the weekend, if only briefly
• that I love compliments: even if they are delivered from liquor laden lips
• that I have a lot to do for this wedding
• that this promises to be a great autumn
• that Kevin is home for lunch and I need to scoot

later...

for crap sake...

Gas in Hannibal last night: $2.77. Filled the van while I was there since it was so "cheap". Got home and the station down the street at 11:30 last night was $2.99. Same station down the street this morning as Shawna drove by: $3.26. Must have been a wicked couple of hours. Cryin' out loud...